np pontefract Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 STUBBS, That man servant of yours, certainly has the upper hand in your relationship, Lord Snooty. Your small pre-match essays remind me very much of Jeeves and wooster. And it's so good for us ordinary people to get a glimpse of what life is really like for Toffs like yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmowl Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Great fun Snoots. Thanks as always. This thread could run to the longest number of pages ever, just by 3 of us quoting you. Come on Jos. Release the hounds in our best 343. Don’t shackle us in an unnecessary and fruitless 352. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
areNOTwhatTHEYseem Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmowl Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 46 minutes ago, Utah Owl said: If I were you Snoots, what with the missus away and all the other shenanigans over the larder I'd take the opportunity to show that rather fetching young stable lass the art of tumbling in the hayloft (thinking Jenny Agutter in Equus here) and if anyone cries foul you can always explain it's part of the fitness regime attached to your new diet and lifestyle! Excellent un-OMDT btw! TTFN UTO WAWAW! GHOFM! Aaahhh...Jenny Aguter. She affected me very badly in my youth. When I was in my early teens started watching Walkabout one night, expecting very little....two hours later I was a changed boy. Has to go plus you for bringing back this memory. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Mercury Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Brilliant Snoots !!! Come on Weds !! 3-1 win Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsHall Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 I always think of the old 'Sing something simple...' when we meet these feckers, dunno why. 4-1. UTO. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lombardo Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Great read Hieronymus Erratic sleep pattern last nigh made me sleep in so didn't get an early read. How long til KO...…...that's a minute just gone by.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myHero Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 7 hours ago, Lord Snooty said: “Evening, Sir” “Ahh, Stubbs. What delights tonight?” “Scrambled egg and tuna Sir” “Scrambled egg and tuna! Good God man, have you lost leave of your senses.” “It’s part of your diet Sir” “Diet, what diet? What are you on about man?” “Sir you requested...” “Requested?! Requested? Requested this? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t make Jay Bothroyd eat this!” “Now, now Sir” “Well. It’s an outrage!” “I’m only following your orders Sir” “What orders?!” “That you gave me last week Sir after the Wigan game” “I don’t remember saying I wanted to eat like a tramp!” “I’m surprised you remember much at all Sir..” “And what is that supposed to mean?!” “Nothing Sir, just that you…passed out and then..” “I was probably faint from not eating enough!” “Or it might have been the brandy” “You insolent dog Stubb, I barely had a drop” “A drop in the ocean perhaps” “I can’t eat this. You’ve taken it too far this time” “It’s all here Sir” “All where?” “In this contract Sir.” “Contract?” “Ahem… ‘I George Hieronymus Snooty declare myself under carbohydrate, sugar and saturated fat embargo. I need to lose a few pounds and put my man, Anthony Gordon Stubbs in sole charge of all my dietary requirements until such time as I have shed two stone minimum and…” “Two bloody stone!” “It’s what you wrote and signed sir, before you collapsed under the billiard table.” “I didn’t collapse.” “No Sir?” “No. IT’s…it’s….I probably have undiagnosed narcolepsy or something” “Well. The point being sir that you have signed this document.” “It means nothing. Where’s cook?” “You gave her the month off” “A month!” “Yes Sir.” “Right. Well, I’ll make myself something to eat then. Don’t think I can’t, oh no. I know my way around a tin opener Stubbs.” “I’m not doubting your ability to ping a microwave sir. But when I say you can’t…well you can’t sir, because you have also had the locks changed on the kitchen door and only I have a key” “Well give me the key” “I can’t sir. This paragraph at the bottom. “Should Stubbs, under any circumstances give me the keys to the kitchen, should I beg to be allowed in, then his contract of employment will be terminated with immediate effect” “Look that was clearly a joke Stubbs. A joke. I wouldn’t sack you” “Sir.. the witnesses “ “Witnesses?” “Well, your solicitor for one sir, and Lady Snooty for two” “I might have known. What a cheek and her the size she is … Yes. Now you say it though I do vaguely remember the darkness enveloping, as the shadow of some maleficent zeppelin blocked out the light….Good God. She didn’t…she didn’t touch me did she Stubbs?!” “No Sir. She was too busy laughing as she signed the document.” “And where is she anyway? Where’s has she boomed off to now” “North Yorkshire. Anti fracking demonstration.” “Ah well. There we go you see. She’s out of the way. I won’t tell if you don’t. How’s about it. Egg chips and beans eh? Friday treat.” “I’m afraid I can’t. Sir.” “Then you leave me no choice, I shall make my way into the village and buy myself some supper at the Navvies arms” “You said you’d never go in the Navvies arms again last week when you accused them of having anti-Wednesday bias” “Then I shall go to the Cornish club” “I wouldn’t advise it Sir” “Oh really. And why would that be?” “Because you asked me to telegram a wager to the club Sir and tell them that if you entered the premises before your weight had dropped to 14 stone that you would make a one million pound donation to Sheffield United football Club. Which of course the manager accepted gleefully.” “The dirty, low down piggys bast-“ “Sir. Your eggs are going cold. “What’s this on the side. It looks like mould?” “That is kale sir” “I..ugh. Can I have ketchup?” “No sir” “Right.“ "Now come on , don’t make that face. It won’t be long. And just think. You’ve got the game to look forward to tomorrow.” “Yes. Yes I suppose I have.” “Eat it all up sir. You’ll need the sustenance. First game of the season. You’ll have a great time. Watching all those sweaty men kicking a pigs bladder around” “Are you mocking The Wednesday Stubbs?” “No sir. Who are you playing tomorrow?” “Hull City” “Hull? I didn’t know they played football Sir. I thought Hull was a Rugby town?” “I hope you’re not going to say that every week Stubbs” “Well. Hopefully not Sir, if you ever play teams that aren't from Rugby towns. Are there any proper teams in this division?” “Get out!” “Sir-“ “Out! OUT ,OUT, OUT!” “Before I go through sir , I have prepared a bowl of mixed seeds and badger yoghurt for pudding when you’ve-“ “OUT!” “Very Good Sir” Wednesday - V - Hull City *** Bloody cheek of the man. I pay him a wage. He revels in this sort thing. I can tell. Gets that look on his face. Pigs bladder indeed. Mind. He’s right. Hull. Hardly the glamour fixture is it. Even if they have been in the top flight more than us in recent years. Mind, their side has changed since they went up last. Unrecognisable almost. Ok it's nearly three years ago. But the thing is what favours did it do them winning the ‘biggest prize in football’? I don’t know I mean we've still got a lot of those players we had that day. They haven't and yet it is they that have been to the promised land And come back with an almighty thud And managed by a man dumped by the blunts. I mean,crikey O'reilly. We might have a pop at old DC for signing old players on long deals. But at least we haven't had to start signing stars of the '90s. I mean I have always been a big fan of your midfield nut cracker. But David Batty?!. They're a team in real trouble. . Hull are the modern yo-yo side aren’t they. But for me they’re always stuck stuck in the time-warp of my mind. Their recent history means nothing to me. £15m players. Bullard. That Brazillian chap. No no. It’s still Boothferry park in my head when I think of them. Andy Payton. That’s the face I always imagine when I think of Hull. Looked like a Glaswegian carpet fitter. The lairy type, crisp white shirt and a pair of ice blue jeans, gold chain hanging loosely at the wrist, sovereign on the little finger, pumping money into a fruit machine all night . then pumping someones auntie behind the Trades and Labour Club after 10 pints of double diamond. I know the type. I can tell by the dial. You can always tell a man by his face. A scrappers chin too I recall. They’ll always be a third division club to me. Mind. I said last week Wigan would always be a fourth division club in my mind and they still licked us. So what do I know. Still…got to enjoy it for what it is I suppose. Didn’t bother me that it was ‘only Hull’ when they came for the opening home fixture in ‘90. Oh no. What a day that was. When you knew you were witnessing the start of something special. Four goals for the Boy wonder. Actually I thought it should have been all five as I’m sure Williams’ shot caught the Cudworth Flyers pecker on the way past. Still... Don’t suppose it matters. Four goals is haul enough. And of course Old Derek. The double D. He got four goals against these as well. The Pitsmoor Punisher. Yes. More of the same tomorrow perhaps? Maybe old Joao will put his name in the history books. Four goals. Just what the lad needs to totally put the nightmare of tooth gate to bed once and for all. Just what we all need really after last week. And FFP and FFS. Yes. It’ll be a good game tomorrow. We’ve retained our star players. For the time being at least. Packed Hillsborough. Sheffield tunes ringing from the tannoy thanks to the positive vibes from Sheffield Premier Drunken Food critic. The lads back in stripes too. Well, half stripes. Yes. It’s all the makings of a good day. First game of the season is always a funny one isn’t it. I mean that Wigan game. It was Fat mickey Quinn getting a hat-trick against the tightness of the Arsenal wasn’t it. A first day freak result. Happens a lot that. The first day freak result. It was Wigans day. Yes, I won’t be crying into my brandy tomorrow tonight. I’ll be raising a toast to the mighty Wednesday as they start the engine and get the season going properly. Ahh. Brandy! I might have one now. God damn the man. He’s padlocked the bloody drinks cabinet. Oh well. Come on The Wednesday! Its always a MASSIVE disappointment to me when we don't put five past Hull. That David lad up front wasn't a bad player as well, what was his surname?!? I can't quite remember..... He reminds me of Gary Hooper 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SheffWedBornOwl Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Snoot's you excel, hoping we do today..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
airborne_rat_of_s6 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 5 hours ago, nevthelodgemoorowl said: Up T'OWLS ! That reminds me have the Beach Towels arrived yet ? They’ll be here in November, ready for the ski season rush. Really need to get a win today. UTO’s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halifax Owls Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Well it soon comes around, after a 3 month hiatus it's back to our mat ch day routine. Eggy bread and bacon for the boy and a bacon sarnie for me before catching a bus into town to get a train into Leeds and on to the steel city. We need a result AND a performance today to settle the nerves around the place. 3 up top with Hutch at CB and Lees in the middle would settle my nerves pre match. Cmon Wednesday FFS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WalthamOwl Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 (edited) Come on Wednesday!!!!!!!! Been feeling very meh with events at the club this summer and thought I might not be as excited for our first home game this season but bloody hell im buzzing! 3v1 to us. FF with 2 and Reach with the other. Edited August 11, 2018 by WalthamOwl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myHero Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 4 hours ago, trumbullowl said: I'd love it. I'd just love it! If we beat Hull. We don't have KK but we've got BB and FF. 2-0 to The Wednesday. He (Nigel Adkins) has to go to Hillsborough today and get a result. "I'd love it if we beat them" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Regulator Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Looking forward to this. Wigan last week wasn’t anywhere near as bad as Preston last season. That gives me enough hope going in to this one. Can’t wait to hear our new walkout music. UTO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sternlad Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Excellent OMTD M’lud. Hope you’ll all get behind the team today. I will be following from afar...via this infernal machine! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Owls_fan_since_1983 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 We are due a win. Come on Wednesday, Up the Owls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
james o connor Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Feeling positive ... 1 all draw 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Brilliant again Snoots. My 1-1 last week was woefully wrong, maybe 3-1 will be better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GMOwl72 Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 C’mon Wednesday! Hoping for a solid performance and win with a clean sheet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N0rtherner Posted August 11, 2018 Share Posted August 11, 2018 Blimey! Screw the season, I'm just happy it's back on so I can have my Saturday morning coffee to go with Snooty's OMDTs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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