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Wigan Athletic 3 - 2 Sheffield Wednesday

Lord Snooty
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Lord Snooty Grand Master

Lord Snooty

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Posted (edited)

Image result for wigan sheffield wednesday

 

WIGAN - V - WEDNESDAY

 

    "Stubbs! Stubbs! Stuuuubs"


    "Yes Sir"
 

    "Ahh, there you are. Come in, come in don't just stand there."
 

    "Is something the matter Sir?"
 

    "Well yes, I should say there is."
 

    "Yes sir?"
 

    "Tomorrow is kick-off day Stubbs. Kick-off day"
 

    "But I thought her ladyship wasn't back until Sunday"
 

    "No no man. The Football. The Wednesday!"
 

    "Oh that."
 

    "Oh that. Oh that. What on Earth do you mean with that tone?!"
 

    "Nothing sir, it's just "
 

    "Just what? Just what, eh?"
 

    "Well after the episode last season sir, just before I went on holiday"
 

    "What episode?"
 

    "When you started blowing the villa up with the shotgun sir, screaming about Portuguese snake-oil salesman and vowing you were never going again"
 

    "Oh. Oh that. No, I'm over all that now."
 

    "Very good sir"
 

    "Anyway. I thought I'd have a bash at the old Match Day thingymajig"
 

    "Thingymajig. Isn't he the new mayor sir?"
 

    "No no. Thats Magid. Do you even read the papers Stubbs?"
 

    " Not really sir, I think they repress our intellectual movements through brainwashing"
 

    "What?"
 

    "Nothing sir"
 

    "Well anyway. Look here. I'm going to do this match day thing and I can't even get the laptop working. Have a look will you. "
 

    "Configuring updates. 4%. How long ago did you turn it on?"
 

    "About an hour and half ago"
 

    "An hour and a half?!"
 

    "Yes."
 

    "When did you last have it turned on?"
 

    "Good God. I don't know. Maybe the Norwich match"
 

    "Then I think this could take some time sir. Infact I don't think you'll be logged on before midnight at this rate"
 

    "But I must! I need to do the thread"
 

    "Well will it really be so bad if you don't. I mean there's nothing much to shout about is there"
 

    "What an Earth do you mean?"
 

    "Well. I mean. It's hardly been the best summer has it. Eight players out the door. The best young International prospect in 35 years gone for nothing"
 

    "Borukov hasn't gone anywhere Stubbs!"
 

    "Who? I was talking about Hirs.."
 

    "Silence!"
 

    "Sorry I.."
 

    "Don't mention that name. I never want it mentioned in this house again. He's dead to me. They all are. They mean nothing. They never

existed" 
 

    "Sorry. I was just saying.."
 

    "Well don't"

Image result for borukov
    

  " Hunts gone. You liked him didn't you?"
 

    "He was ok. Never saw him finish a game for 12 months. Subbed every week. Ankle like my auntie Norma."
 

    "Your auntie Norma is ...dead"
 

    "Correct Stubbs. Correct." 
 

    "I know but, Palmer at Right wing back"
 

    "What's wrong with that!"
 

    "Well come on sir you've said yourself before that..."
 

    "No! I won't have a bad word said against that boy. Local."
 

    "Worksop?"
 

    "Local-ish. Loves the club. Came through the ranks. That's what it's all about to me now"
 

    "Switches off though sir"
 

    "They all do. It's second division football. For Christs sake. Trippier plays well in the World Cup and it's hammer LiamPalmer time. Well I'm not standing for it. First one to give him some lip tomorrow is going to get a damned good thrashing"
 

    "Are you going tomorrow?"
 

    "No"
 

    "Well, unlikely to find anyone slagging him off then"
 

    "Well if I hear Giddings or any of them chumps having a pop"
 

    "Erm...haven't you heard sir there's been a...well....Radio...BBC.."
 

    "Oh yes. That. Well. I'm not bothered anyway. Radio is rubbish. Rubbish!"
 

    "But you said you loved John Pearson and his rampantly biased views."
 

    "Yes well.  I don't like radio any more. It's a dead medium"
 

    "Well what are you going to do tomorrow?"
 

    "I'm going to get one of those stream thingies aren't I"
 

    "Not on that lap-top you're not. It's still only on 6%"
 

    "Pah!"
 

    "Well, your not missing anything really sir are you. I mean they haven't signed anyone have they. I mean it hardly bodes well when you

can't even get a kid in from the Dog and Duck"
 

    "We don't need more players for your information"
 

    "Really?"
 

    "Yes really"
 

    "Look sir, I'm all for putting a brave face on it but"
 

    "Not a brave face Stubbs. A fact. We didn't need any extra bodies."
 

     "I mean you've lost the skipper."
 

    "He was too old anyway!"
 

    "Wallace"
 

    "Don't mention Wallace!"
 

    "Are you crying sir?"
 

    "No. NO! STAND BACK MAN. leave me!"
 

    "Are you ok?"
 

    "I have something in my eye"
 

    "Oh"
 

    "Well at least they're back in the proper kit sir. Looks very smart that?"
 

    "That's Wigans kit!"
 

    "Wigan! I didn't know they played football in Wigan."
 

    "Well they do. Very well actually. Beat Manchester City last season"
 

    "Tough game then sir"
 

    "Not at all. Not at all. We'll thrash them"
 

    "Really"
 

    "Oh yes. They're a fourth division club"
 

    "I thought it was the Championship?"
 

    "It is. I mean they should be in the fourth division"
 

    "Why? Have they broken some rules?"
 

    "Because I bloody say so. They are a fourth division club. Rugby town. "
 

    " I thought you said they beat Manchester City.."
 

    "That was in the cup. That doesn't count"
 

    "Oh. I see. What about the league. They any good in the League?"
 

    " Champions last season"
 

    "Pardon sir I didn't quite catch that you'll have to speak up"
 

    "I said they won the third division!"
 

    "Oh. By much?"
 

    "They got 98 points"
 

    "Oh. Good side then. Very tough test this. Bloody hell. .."
 

    "Bloody hell what?"
 

    "Well I mean, there will be an absolute meltdown won't there if Wednesday lose"
 

    "We won't lose"
 

    "Seven players out. None in. Can't spend. Radio deal unsigned. George Hirst off to Belgium. He's making his debut tomorrow you know against Mechelen."

 

    "I've warned you!"

 

     "Fans going mad....membership higher than top Premier League clubs.....toilets on the KOP still a disgrace... and you haven't even played a game yet sir"
 

    "Where have you got all this wrist slitting blather from?"

 

    "Old Bob in the Navvies arms. They're all on about it."

 

    "Right. Well I'm not drinking there anymore. I can do without their bedwetting. Tomorrow I shall go to the Cornish Club"
 

    "Very good sir. What time shall I call the taxi for sir to take you to the club?"
 

    "Taxi?"
 

    "Yes sir, the cars in the garage if you remember after you hit that tree when Radio Sheffield announced you couldn't afford to sign

Venanncio"
 

    "Don't mention them either! I'm in a good mood. I won't have it ruined"
 

    "Sorry sir. Anyway. As i was saying. What time do you want me to get the City Taxi here?"
 

    "No! No, no, no, no, no! I will never ride in one of their carriages again"
 

    "Why ever not sir?"
 

    "Never you mind. I'm just not giving money to those traitorous swines! Ring me a D taxi"
 

    "What's a D-Taxi?"
 

    "There, there look, on the back of that card"

DU_9Z26XcAUvOTB.jpg
 

    "Ok.....uhm...the lines dead sir, it's not ringing"
 

    "There must be some mistake. Pass it here. Pass it here. It's not ringing Stubbs"
 

    "I just said that. Are you sure it's a Sheffield firm."
 

    "Look never mind. Get the motorbike out. We'll go on that."
 

    "I'm not sure what condition it's in sir. I haven't seen it for months. It's right at the back of the garage. Can't see it for all those

Woodburn..."
 

    "No! Don't mention Woodburn, I won't allow it. I should have known you were a pig"
 

    "Eh?"
 

    "Woodburn indeed"
 

    " Woodburning stoves sir. I was going to say I couldn't see your bike for the Woodburning stoves  that you bought off that conman"
 

    " I wasn't conned"
 

    "You've bought 30 woodburners on the hottest summer on record"
 

    "Silence! I've had it just about up to here with you and your negativity."
 

    "Very good sir"


    "The Wednesday are going to win today. Whether we've lost Loovens, Wallace, Hunt, Venanncio or not. Whether Leicester have done us right up the ricker with Hirst....we canwin today even though we haven't signed anyone.....we can win today even though Wigan have momentum.......we can win today even if I can't listen to it on Radio Sheffield........ we can win today even if we haven't a white hoop on the sock. We can win today even if Membership is £90.  We can going to win today even if they score first. You know why Stubbs? You know why I'm saying that?  Because.... as bad as people think it is. As much goes on off the pitch....we can win....because it's Seasons eve....and the pre-season hope still burns.... the first day of the God damned season is coming, FFS and hope, yes HOPE!,  is all we've bloody got and if we haven't got hope then we've got nothing at all."
 

    "Drink sir?"


    "Yes. Brandy"


    "Bit early sir"


    "No. No it isn't. I've never felt so much pressure on a first game result as this"


    "Match prediction?"


    "2-0 Wednesday."

 

    "Goalscorers sir?"

 

    "Joao two and big Adthe"


    "Nuhiu?! "

 

     "Don't mock me Stubbs"

 

     "Very good sir"

 

 

Untitled.png

Edited by Lord Snooty
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Gresh Experienced

Gresh

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Posted
1 hour ago, londonowl said:

I’m in France* at the moment and all the people round the campsite** reckon Wednesday will win.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m from London darling. *By France, I mean Monaco. **By ‘campsite’, I mean Château.

If you see any of our old doddering ex directors driving around looking like they are lost, point them in the right direction so that they can make it back home.

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latemodelchild Grand Master

latemodelchild

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I'm on my way to France. By the time we kick off I'll be on a B road in northern France. I'll look out for dodderers. 

 

Magnificent not match day thread, absolutely gleaming. I care not for making predictions myself so won't, other than to say we could easily win or lose this one. Can't see a draw happening. 

 

The season starts today, my holiday starts today. Not a bad life sometimes. 

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Holmowl Grand Master

Holmowl

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Posted (edited)

Amazing stuff Snoots.

 

If ever there’s a Snoots & Stubbs Show, I’m watching.

 

Hopeful rather than confident. Really want Jos to start with a similar attacking approach to the end of the season.

 I’m watching (if it works) I follow in France for the first time.

 

If we start 343 1-3 Wednesday. Nuhiu will score.

 

If we start 2 up top with FF I fear a Preston.

Edited by Holmowl
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