"It's snowing out Sir"
"I should hope it is in this Council Tax band"
"Snow in Winter, birds singing in summer. Where did you think the money went?"
"Well, chopping down trees according to the Telegraph every week"
"No, no. It goes towards making things right and proper. You think they get this in the rougher ends of town Stubbs?"
"I'm sure it's more to do with altitude Sir"
"Nonsense. You go and find the nearest flat roofed pubs Stubbs and I'll guarantee they've had nothing more than an icy sleet"
"Yes really. Now stick another log on the fire. Have you got the notes for this weeks Match day thread?"
"Yes Sir, I've got a copy of the Chairmans statement, that seems to be the main talking point of the week."
"No no, we've done all that in the other thread."
"But people will want to know-"
"There's nothing to know Stubbs. It's old news. We're up the creak without promotion. Well. Up the creek in terms of signing anyone. But it's not as if that's breaking news is it."
"Well no, I suppose not."
"No. We haven't a pot to wazz in"
"I'm finding alternatives Stubbs. I refuse to let the swear filter defeat me"
"So anyway. The Chairman is loaded but can't spend it, so in real terms we are skint."
"Shame the club isn't allowed to gamble Sir"
"Because if they could then they might be worth staking the entire budget on Steven Fletcher to bag tomorrow. He's notched 6 goals in his last 6 starts against Wigan."
"Yes Sir. Loves playing against them"
"Probably be rested tomorrow then!"
WEDNESDAY - V - WIGAN ATH.
KICK OFF :15:00
REFEREE : A.Chump
"Well he's got the all clear , fit as a fiddle. So if he does start that's where you put your money. 5/1 on for first goal scorer. "
"What other news?"
" Sheffield Wednesday Joao is back and fit and raring to go. There's a chance he might start if Wednesday stay with the diamond formation they used at Luton., Sam Hutchinson and Keiren Westwood are almost guaranteed to be put back into the starting XI"
"Joey Pelupessy will be another week with an ankle strain."
"First time he's really been out since he arrived isn't it. He's been fit as a fiddle since he came here. Funny that there's not hundreds of threads from the conspiracy lot though accusing the club of faking his injury. Funny it's only fan favourites who have to feign knocks"
"Moving on Sir.....Wigan boss Paul Cook could name the same XI that started the 3-0 win over Aston Villa last week."
"How did I miss that?"
"You were blind drunk in Hull Sir, trying to take on all comers in the Old Black Boy"
"Oh yes. That's right. Hull. Bloody hell, don't remind me. Here , I thought Dean Smith was the top manager blah blah blah. Hows he got battered by Wigan at home?"
"To be honest Sir Wigan haven't really had a kind run. They've been on a losing streak, but it has to be said that during that run they've played some of the top sides in the division in terms of form and squad strength. West Brom, Swansea, and Sheff-"
" James Vaughan, Nathan Byrne and Callum McManaman are among those pushing for recalls to the starting line-up. Darron Gibson will be assessed after missing the last two games due to a thigh problem and striker Nick Powell (calf) is not ready to return."
"Powell? Wasn't he the next big thing at one time"
"Possibly Sir, there's hundreds of 'next big things isn't there.."
"I suppose there is"
Sheffield Wednesday have won three of their four home games against Wigan in all competitions (L1).
None of the nine meetings between Sheffield Wednesday and Wigan in all competitions have ended as a draw (five Wednesday wins, four Wigan wins).
In their 3-0 defeat by Hull City in their last Championship match, Sheffield Wednesday managed just three efforts at goal - their fewest in a league match since April 2018 (two against Wolves).
"Good God! That's approaching the same form as the last Days of Carvalhal! I tell you what. I really can't wait for Brucie to get here. Training sessions and what not is all well and good, but you really want the gaffer in there don't you. Someone with a bit of star quality."
"Doesn't necessarily mean the player will shoot more though Sir. I mean once they're over the white line there's it's up to them"
"Yes I know that. But I just think that it's all a bit of a no-mans land at the minute. Nothing against the new chaps. But you want the Bigman in place. Give everyone a boost."
Wigan have lost 10 away games in the Championship this season, while only Crawley (11) have lost more in the English Football League in 2018-19.
If Wednesday keep a clean sheet on Saturday it will be just their 4th of the season
Four of Wigan's last eight Championship goals have been penalties, scored by three different players (two by Joe Garner, one apiece by Will Grigg and James Vaughan).
"Well then, if we don't fanny about at the back then it shouldn't be a problem should it"
"If Sir. If"
"Indeed Stubbs. If...
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
(You are probably Cameron Dawson)
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
(You are probably Morgan Fox)
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
(You are probably Fernando Forestieri)
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
(You are probably Atdhe Nuhiu)
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
(You are probably Lucas Joao)
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
(You are probably Tom Lees)
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
(You are probably Steve Agnew)
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
(You are probably Lee Bullen)
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-throw,
(You are probably Dejphon Chansiri)
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
(You are probably a clapper)
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
(You probably bought a 3 year season ticket)
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
(You've probably never left on 85 minutes)
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
(That's me isn't it Stubbs?)
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
(You're probably Gary Hooper)
If you can fill the unforgiving minute...
(You are probably the bloody fourth official!)
Yours is this City boys and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’re Wednesday, my sons!
COME ON WEDNESDAY!