pauli Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 (edited) TODAY’S OPPOSITES 26 things that you never knew about sheep… Sheep are shaggy, furry multi-purpose farm animals. For the sheep gives us wool, mutton, rams for battering, and satisfies one other important universal need… In no fewer than 12 British Commonwealth nations, it is claimed that a majority of the male population practices animal husbandry with Ovis aries as though it were the national pastime, though their governments deny it and sheep shagging has never been portrayed on a postage stamp. The connection to sheep is strongest in agrarian communities such as Australia, New Zealand, Scotland, Wales, Derbyshire and the Falkland Islands. Sheep help the shepherd pass the time during long afternoons of doing nothing else but looking at sheep. In many parts of rural Derbyshire, a single sheep tied to a lamp post is referred to as the Community Recreation Centre. Characteristics Sheep oddly enough, often display sheep-like qualities, such as eating grass, growing a fine woolly coat, and being possessed by an acute fear of mint sauce. In hilly country, sheep have rear legs longer than their front legs. This lets them face a hill without falling over backwards. Unfortunately, even smaller than the sheep's front legs is its pea brain which leads it to forget which end is which. Sheep pointed away from, rather than toward the mountain instantly somersault down it, a trait that amuses their herders almost as much as their other signature trait does. Sheep are often seen running down the middle of a country road. In fact, the sheep's only natural defence is its ability to outrun a farmer with his pants around his ankles. Sheep, like all wool-bearing animals, instinctively travel south where it's warmer and the shepherds are less well-endowed. Sheepish Sheep language is simple to learn and master. Sheepish contains only a single word: "Baa." This simple language makes it hard to construct a negative sentence, which explains much about the sheep's popularity. In return, that part of English that pertains to sheep has also been made simple. For example: the plural of sheep is the easy-to-learn "sheep." The exceptions to this rule are at the butchers shop, where it is "mutton", that is, when it is not "lamb" or when a live one wanders into the living room, in which case most people just exclaim, “Ew.” Sheep Bombs During World War 2, German secret agents operating in Derbyshire made use of the Schafenabwurfwaffen: a small sheep crammed with thirty pounds of dynamite and a mechanical, hair trigger detonator cunningly placed in its arse. The plan was that the Schafenabwurfwaffen would wander into a flock of other sheep, becoming a deadly weapon once the shepherd became amorous. But the Germans grossly overestimated the length of the average shepherd’s actuator pin, and the plan backfired (or rather, didn't backfire at all). Unexploded ordnance remains a peril in Derbyshire and some parts of Wales to this day. Sheep in Science Sheep physics was first described in the book Ruminant Forces, by Professor L. Emerson. It continues to be a magnificent addition to the vibrant fields of science and that. Professor Shepherd Woolingham of Baaram University obtained his sheepskin with a thesis describing how these animals could be used to produce free energy — or in the wrong hands, create so called Doomsday devices. Sheep science can also trace the arc of a sheep's flight from a trebuchet or the complex forces behind one sheep particle's attraction to another sheep particle. Work is also currently under way at CERN on the Swiss/French border to construct a quantum sheep accelerator, which will collide sheep at another sheep at nearly the speed of light. If all goes as expected, the production of an anti sheep may occur for a split second. Sheep physicists hope to use the data from the quantum sheep accelerator to settle finally the following classic questions of science: ▪ How many anti-sheep can be constructed from two vaporised sheep? ▪ How big of a boom will one sheep make when it achieves warp speed? ▪ How many sheep can be vaporised before the RSPCA makes a fuss? Strange but True Male sheep are actually called rams and that’s how we come to be playing them today! IMPORTANT THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW Venue: iPod Stadium. Kick Off: Saturday the 29th of October at 15:00 Matchday Apparel: Away shirt, massive flags, No sousaphones. Matchday Pub: T' Squire has been on lookout for a suitably magnificent watering hole again. He has sent me this report... "A catapult shot from the IPRO Stadium and 200 yards from the Railway Stazione is this absolute belter that has just won the CAMRA Derby pub of the year for real ales for the second year running. The Rough Guide promotes Derby as the World Capital for real ales and at The Brunswick Inn there are plenty to keep the legions thirst quenched with up to 16 cask real ales, up to 16 ciders, bottled ales and perry as well as a terrific homemade food menu. It's Victorian façade hides high ceilings for the energetic bouncer and not one but two beer gardens can make sure there is provision for King Carlos's troops. A ten minute skip to the baa lambs lair have fun everybody, but please behave yourselves and enjoy the victory." The Brunswick Inn, 1 Railway Terrace, Derby DE1 2RU Matchday Pie: Chicken and Mushroom. Matchday Song: Freeze On Funk by Olympic Runners… MATCHDAY FACTS Derby County midfielder Craig “Ribs” Bryson, who missed last week's defeat at Huddersfield through suspension, is doubtful with a Kebab injury. Fellow midfielder Will “Chop” Hughes serves a one-match ban, so Jamie “Cutlet” Hanson or Chris “Shank” Baird could come in if Bryson is out. Sheffield Wednesday goalkeeper Keiren Westwood could return after missing last week's 1-0 win over QPR with a back injury. Owls boss Carlos Carvalhal has no new injury or suspension concerns. Head To Head ▪ Derby are unbeaten in 16 games against the Owls in all competitions (W8 D8). Only against Burnley (17 games) have they achieved a longer unbeaten run in all competitions in their history. ▪ In league competition, Sheffield Wednesday have won one of their last 21 away trips to Derby (2-0 in April 2006), drawing eight and losing 12. ▪ None of Derby's last 17 league games (excluding play-offs) have featured more than three goals, with just 23 goals being scored in total in that run. ▪ The Owls have scored one goal in each of their last six away games in the Championship (W2 D2 L2). ▪ The iPro Stadium has seen just seven league goals so far this season (2 for Derby, 5 against) - the lowest total of any Championship ground in 2016-17. ▪ Gary Hooper has had a hand in three of Sheffield Wednesday's last four league goals (2 goals, 1 assist). KING CARLOS’ PEARLS OF WISDOM MINTYNESS We are here to have dinner! Edited October 28, 2016 by pauli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WOLS Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Thanks Pauli for getting the match preparation on its way. Comfortable 2-0 win for us today I predict. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRADDO Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Awesome Pauli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melbourne_Owl Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Comes on you OWLS!!! 1-2 win for us (FF and Reach) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcx666 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 awesome as always, 3-1 to us. LM scoring the first from last seasons pre season training Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
areNOTwhatTHEYseem Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 It's about time we beat this lot, really. Come on, Wednesday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronio Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Morning gents, Quality work Pauli, Really looking forward to this one. Will be nice to see us smash them. 2 nil Wednesday win coming up. Fletcher and Hoops the scorers. LETS DO THIS!! COME ON WEDNESDAY!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
33 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Sweet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wonder Spaniel Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Mint thread! Today is the day! Don't underestimate Derby, they're still a capable .......... Nah, sod it. 3-1 Wednesday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
burncross owl10 Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 C/mon you blue and white wwwwwwiiiiiizzzzzzzzzaaaarrrrddddddddssssssssssssss!!! We must be due one surely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kelliesleftnut Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 brilliant mate. you must have wwwaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy too much time on your hands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MAL Posted October 28, 2016 Share Posted October 28, 2016 Nice one again Pauli. Hootie is gonna be all over this, literally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauli Posted October 28, 2016 Author Share Posted October 28, 2016 7 minutes ago, MAL said: Nice one again Pauli. Hootie is gonna be all over this, literally It was Hootie's birthday yesterday. I wanted to surprise him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevthelodgemoorowl Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Great MDT Pauli unfortunately can't make Derby today I'm off to the Hathersage Livestock auction. From there the Barbers or should I say the Shearers. Then it's off to the Tatoo artists where he has promised to craft an image of Tay Tay on my Yews back ! All being well I fully expect to be back home in time for the second half, hopefully with a comfortable 2-0 half time lead. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogers Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 2 wins in twenty years!!! Jesus - they love playing us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Owl Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Great OMDT as per Pauli! To paraphrase Prince We got the look Let's get to ramming! High time we sorted these out at their place and that is all I'm saying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adifferentgame Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Nice one pauli. This one's about as minty as it gets, with the added minty bonus that my father-in-law is a Rams ST holder. Lifer, sadly. He's indoctrinated beyond rehabilitation. I'll take 2-0 to the high-flying owls, Lee and the Argitalian agitator either side of HT. Shear the baaaaaaaaastards, Carlos! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LJH1867OWLS Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Great OMTD again Pauli! Wow.....didn't realise we have such a terrible record against the them, hopefully we can Buck the trend and bring home the 3points today. im going for a 3-0 win with reach scoring and fletcher getting the others COME ON WEDNESDAY!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Owl.1867 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 We never beat Derby. Spozzy 1-0 to them despite us battering them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owlsfan_72 Posted October 29, 2016 Share Posted October 29, 2016 Amazing, thanks Pauli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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