KivoOwl Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 A couple of years ago when we were relegated we played United near the end of the season, the 'we'll never play you again' game. After the game an old school mate spotted me at Hillsborough Corner (I say mate - he was actually a fat shuffleer who used to pick on me cos I was a scrawny kid who supported Wednesday - the term 'pick on someone your own size' was invented for this thrower). He came over with a smug look on his face and screamed in my face "You're going DOWNNNNN", which brought snorts of delights from his Burberry wearing neanderthal mates. I never forgot that moment, partly because of the foam and spittle that entered my respiratory system, mostly because he was your typical pig - that will have been the only game he went to that season. Anyway, I know he still lives in the village but I haven't seen him for a while. Until this morning. On my way to the Post Office, I saw in front of me a bloke, *** in one hand, twin pram in the other, with a 1990's United shirt the one with diamonds instead of stripes) stretching round his rotund gut. I was willing him into the Post Office as that was where I was headed - and my wish came true. I got the drink I was after and made sure I alligned myself alongside him at the till - me at the shop counter, him at the Post Office counter. I was just about to pipe up when he muttered "Can I put this giro in my current account please" to the woman. Then he turned round and saw me - without saying a word he turned back round and started sifting through the bargain bin full of out of date Monster Munch next to him. "Looking forward to the new season?" I asked, pointing to his shirt. "Oh ey up mate, haven't seen you for a while - nah i'm not too bothered any more, I haven't been for years, it's a mugs game" he responded. "I'm sure I saw you at Hillsborough a couple of years ago?" "Oh yeah, I went with our *insert relatives name here* for a laugh i think". "Weren't you at the play-offs this year too? I saw your Facebook pictures on the pitch against Stevenage." "Yeah tickets were only a fiver so I thought i'd tek kids to their first game, you know" (By this time he's finished getting his money and trying to leave) "Yeah, they need to taste the atmosphere don't they mate. Didn't you go to Wembley as well? *insert name of Blade who ran a bus from Kivo* said you went down with them?" "Yeah, went down for the day, went on wee wee all day - I knew they'd lose cos they always do" "Never mind *insert dickheads name*, you might get us in the cup yet". He walked out muttering "you never know". For a usually restrained lad, I was quite proud of the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe M Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 That's 2 minutes I'll never get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueblood Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) You should have laughed in the fat feckers face and emptied you drink over his little smelly piglets faces, them grabbed him by the throat and said if he ever came near you again you'd but his little curly piggy tail off and make him eat it not that I condone violence or anything tho :) Edited August 9, 2012 by Blueblood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KivoOwl Posted August 9, 2012 Author Share Posted August 9, 2012 i liked that yah yah toure buming into tbh I categorically deny EVER bumming Yaya Toure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Owl of Newark Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I once literally bumped into Niall Quinn outside the Tote at Thirsk races. Big lad. Not sure that's what you're after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueblood Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I categorically deny EVER bumming Yaya Toure. Yeah but you would tho, wouldn't you :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i used to be sc_owl Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Love it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_maclean Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 (edited) A couple of years ago when we were relegated we played United near the end of the season, the 'we'll never play you again' game. After the game an old school mate spotted me at Hillsborough Corner (I say mate - he was actually a fat shuffleer who used to pick on me cos I was a scrawny kid who supported Wednesday - the term 'pick on someone your own size' was invented for this thrower). He came over with a smug look on his face and screamed in my face "You're going DOWNNNNN", which brought snorts of delights from his Burberry wearing neanderthal mates. I never forgot that moment, partly because of the foam and spittle that entered my respiratory system, mostly because he was your typical pig - that will have been the only game he went to that season. Anyway, I know he still lives in the village but I haven't seen him for a while. Until this morning. On my way to the Post Office, I saw in front of me a bloke, *** in one hand, twin pram in the other, with a 1990's United shirt the one with diamonds instead of stripes) stretching round his rotund gut. I was willing him into the Post Office as that was where I was headed - and my wish came true. I got the drink I was after and made sure I alligned myself alongside him at the till - me at the shop counter, him at the Post Office counter. I was just about to pipe up when he muttered "Can I put this giro in my current account please" to the woman. Then he turned round and saw me - without saying a word he turned back round and started sifting through the bargain bin full of out of date Monster Munch next to him. "Looking forward to the new season?" I asked, pointing to his shirt. "Oh ey up mate, haven't seen you for a while - nah i'm not too bothered any more, I haven't been for years, it's a mugs game" he responded. "I'm sure I saw you at Hillsborough a couple of years ago?" "Oh yeah, I went with our *insert relatives name here* for a laugh i think". "Weren't you at the play-offs this year too? I saw your Facebook pictures on the pitch against Stevenage." "Yeah tickets were only a fiver so I thought i'd tek kids to their first game, you know" (By this time he's finished getting his money and trying to leave) "Yeah, they need to taste the atmosphere don't they mate. Didn't you go to Wembley as well? *insert name of Blade who ran a bus from Kivo* said you went down with them?" "Yeah, went down for the day, went on wee wee all day - I knew they'd lose cos they always do" "Never mind *insert dickheads name*, you might get us in the cup yet". He walked out muttering "you never know". For a usually restrained lad, I was quite proud of the conversation. Why do I read this and think the story really is edited for effect? Im guessing you spotted him, absolutely cacked it and ran home crying to make sure nobody had moved your 2002/03 season scrap book. In all seriousness, well in Kivo! always nice to get one over on them little scrotes!! Edited August 9, 2012 by steve_maclean Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KivoOwl Posted August 9, 2012 Author Share Posted August 9, 2012 Why do I read this and think the story really is edited for effect? In guessing you spotted him, absolutely cacked it and ran home crying to make sure nobody has moved your 2002/03 season scrap book. In all seriousness, well in Kivo! always nice to get one over on them little scrotes!! I thought people might think that - when he said the bit about the Giro I genuinely thought I was dreaming. (maybe there weren't Monster Munch in that bin, but you get the idea) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owls66 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Bumped into Chris Sedgwick at Virgin Active today. He was wearing some Wednesday training shorts. I hope he finds another club, he's a top bloke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steve_maclean Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 I thought people might think that - when he said the bit about the Giro I genuinely thought I was dreaming. (maybe there weren't Monster Munch in that bin, but you get the idea) They were probably pork scratchings.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PopePiusX Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Bumped into Paddy from Emmerdale outside the York Opera House. Was going to say something witty and urbane, panicked horribly and ended up singing the Emmerdale theme in his face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theowlsman Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 About the pram. Had the wheels fallen off that too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KivoOwl Posted August 9, 2012 Author Share Posted August 9, 2012 FUCK As he was crossing the street I should have put my arm across the pram and said 'Whoa, mind the gap mate" Opportunity missed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueblood Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 FUCK As he was crossing the street I should have put my arm across the pram and said 'Whoa, mind the gap mate" Opportunity missed. Ha ha ha that would have been funny. You should have thought of that sooner and just pretended that it had happened Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theowlsman Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 FUCK As he was crossing the street I should have put my arm across the pram and said 'Whoa, mind the gap mate" Opportunity missed. They're too thick to get irony though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blueblood Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 i think he pretended tge whole encounter happend tbh lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzieowl Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 Dirty Red & White B@stard Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owl1977 Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 That's 2 minutes I'll never get back. Tw@t Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Chow Posted August 9, 2012 Share Posted August 9, 2012 i see players everyday... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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