PopePiusX

It's similar to having men the posts on corners, the ball rolling into the corner is obvious and the goal blamed on the fact that defenders weren't there, but the opposite situation - that there weren't enough defenders defending the cross - is never blamed and the two men doing nothing, playing everyone onside to boot. Added to that, Nigel Worthington having a quick nap at Old Trafford.

Our strength in depth is excellent, very important; I'd sacrifice a touch of it for one more slightly premium player. Defended well against reasonably pitiful opposition.

Surprised you can tell with him wearing shorts

A 3-3 against Swindon, in which we scored somewhat dubiously scored when their goalie Fraser Digby was injured, and during which their forward Craig Maskell committed at least four handballs and scored twice, the little twerp.

Can't believe we're getting Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte, marquee signings

LET IT DIE YOU ABSOLUTE COINS

If you want a firm of solicitors playing left back then fine

I'VE BEEN AWAY SORRY

Have been tipped off by a Newcastle-supporting pal that this very promising youngster has been linked for a season-long loan; was at Bristol Rovers last year and was excellent. Midfielder who scores goals.

Twin

I had an evening with Darren Moore once and I can still only walk in circles

When I enter Mastermind, the 1992 Rumbelows Sprint Challenge will be my specialist subject.

'Milan Mandaric and Howard Wilkinson take their seats at a chilly Hillsborough; Also in attendance is former Labour Party Deputy Leader Roy Hattersley' I think you'll find that's very accurate if unamusing.

Quite right, he'll be 30-odd now

'Meat Pudding'