Chris Kirkland and his battle with depression.

[Guest Copthorneowl]

Impossible to not be moved by posts in this thread where posters are publicly sharing their own experience of suffering from anxiety and/or depression and being bipolar and how that has impacted your lives and those close by.

 

Huge respect to you all and I'm sure those of us who aren't sufferers will know people friends, family etc., who are but more to the point I'm sure all of us would want to offer our best wishes and hope that you can continue to cope through treatment regimes that might allow you get to a better place.

 

Personally I believe it makes one think about the way you respond to posts you don't agree with, hope so anyway.

[AwokenGiant]

Footballers are human beings at the end of the day and not some ‘superhuman’ being which some fans and players think. Fair play to Chris Kirkland for speaking out on a subject that is still stigmitised not only in the general public, but even more so in professional football. Hopefully, talking about mental health can continue to improve how it is viewed across all society. What is more, I hope CK continues to stay healthy in his post-sporting life. 

Edited October 12, 2017 by AwokenGiant

[MOwl]

My partner has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it's opened an entirely different avenue in my life that I didn't know existed.

 

Being in a relationship with somebody who can be completely different on a day to day basis is heart wrenching, but I wouldn't change anything about her and love her all the more for it. 

 

Mental health is no joke, and having witnessed how dangerous and terrible it can be first hand has been eye opening.

 

If anybody is reading this and struggling at the moment, just try to keep going and try to talk to somebody (anybody) about it. 

 

In fact, I'm sure there are plenty on here who would be happy to chat through things sometime.

 

And well done Chris for coming out and telling his story. Top marks.

[Aladdin]

Well done Andy Rhodes - Chris gives him great credit for his support through snxiety

[vulva]

Didn't Kirkland used to go back to Wigan for treatment on his back? Seem to recall a story at the time. Maybe that was a 'cover story', and can now understand why. 

 

Always seemed a really good lad, and I wish him all the very best for the future. 

[Guest Wonder Spaniel]

Well done to everyone contributing in this thread, it is really heartwarming. I salute you all. I think the tide is slowly turning in terms of attitude and acknowledgment of mental illness, although there is still ignorance or lack of knowledge out there. 

Personally I have suffered with anxiety for about 20 years now, and it has restricted my life at times, which I despise, but I live with it and it has not held me back too much.  In the past 2.5 years my families life has been completely turned upside down by a particularly cruel grip that severe treatment resistant depression has taken on my wife, completely out of the blue. I will spare you the details which have been quite harrowing, and needless to say I am now the carer (as well as husband) of my wife along with my young children. Life can be very unpredictable and we should be grateful for our health if we have it, as none of us truely know what is around the corner for us (1 in 4 will be affected by a form of mental health issue at some point in our lives). Make time to be kind to others and especially to yourself! 

This might sound a little cheesy, but Sheffield Wednesday and Owlstalk has saved me!! The recent years have been the toughest and darkest that I have had to deal with and since I discovered owlstalk, it has been a bit of a salvation and of source distraction from my problems particularly late at night, so thank you! It is good to escape and focus on sometimes inane drivel about Nuhiu's beard, or whether Kieran Lee is really 6 feet tall etc.  Thank god for the fact this has coincided with an upturn in our clubs fortunes too, which is proper help, I can tell ya. 

So for those that understand it, good luck and stay strong, and for those that don't, thank you for trying to understand. Look after one another!

 

ps we better beat chuffing Bolton!,

[marcx666]

29 minutes ago, Wonder Spaniel said:

Well done to everyone contributing in this thread, it is really heartwarming. I salute you all. I think the tide is slowly turning in terms of attitude and acknowledgment of mental illness, although there is still ignorance or lack of knowledge out there. 

Personally I have suffered with anxiety for about 20 years now, and it has restricted my life at times, which I despise, but I live with it and it has not held me back too much.  In the past 2.5 years my families life has been completely turned upside down by a particularly cruel grip that severe treatment resistant depression has taken on my wife, completely out of the blue. I will spare you the details which have been quite harrowing, and needless to say I am now the carer (as well as husband) of my wife along with my young children. Life can be very unpredictable and we should be grateful for our health if we have it, as none of us truely know what is around the corner for us (1 in 4 will be affected by a form of mental health issue at some point in our lives). Make time to be kind to others and especially to yourself! 

This might sound a little cheesy, but Sheffield Wednesday and Owlstalk has saved me!! The recent years have been the toughest and darkest that I have had to deal with and since I discovered owlstalk, it has been a bit of a salvation and of source distraction from my problems particularly late at night, so thank you! It is good to escape and focus on sometimes inane drivel about Nuhiu's beard, or whether Kieran Lee is really 6 feet tall etc.  Thank god for the fact this has coincided with an upturn in our clubs fortunes too, which is proper help, I can tell ya. 

So for those that understand it, good luck and stay strong, and for those that don't, thank you for trying to understand. Look after one another!

 

ps we better beat chuffing Bolton!,

Mate if Owlstalk has saved you things must be REALLY f*cked at home, I only come on here to remind myself that no matter how screwed up I am, I'm actually not that bad 

[OWL1969]

8 hours ago, darklord said:

Im on trazadone these days, more if a sleep help. Used to be on Fluoxetine but had side effects.

Getting the help in the first place can be a struggle.

When I jumped in the Harbour at 15  and went to the hospital I got no psch evaluation or the like. In fact even after several more attempts over the next 4 years (including slashing my wrists with a bottle in the middle of a nightclub on a  staff night out (that made me popular at work!) and having to be operated on because of it I still got no help or pysch evaluation. (in fact my GP told my girlfriend at the time it was done for attention).

It wasnt until around 2 years later my next girlfriend (my wife these days) marched me into the doctors after I basically had a breakdown. Luckily the Dr I saw was lovely and she got the ball rolling.  Took a long time to get some sort of balance, (I once attempted to drill into my head with a cordless drill and the neighbours had to stop me.

That was almost 15 years ago now and while I do get down just about everyday I have learnt to cope and I dont get the big ruts like before. Only once in the last 10 years have I thought about suicide again (last Christmas in fact).

 

So to all those suffering yes its bobbar and a bloody dark place but you can get yourself through to a more manageble state. The hardest thing is asking for help when your at your lowest. I once posted on here late at night about 3 years ago when I was in a state and the support of a few Owlstalk strangers that night helped me get to the next day.

 

So no matter how friggin embarassed you may be ask for help even if its from a bloody stranger. Because I promise you no matter how hard that might seem its a dam sight easier than writing a note to your loved ones or standing on that harbour wall and jumping in.

Another here with previous experience, still on Citalophram, (been on many different tablets in past) seems to be working but always have that fear at the back of my head that the darkness will return and never go away. 

I have to confess (to my shame) before my first experience of Depression I was one of those who (I obviously now know to my cost are wrong) thought it wasn't a real health issues and you could just pull  yourself together.

 

I was in denial with myself for a long time, my family all knew there was something wrong but I wouldn't admit, kept going to work hating everyday, sneaking out of the office and crying.

Would go home and just lie in bed, didn't want to talk to anybody or see anybody, just wanted to curl up and sleep and hopefully never wake up.

Didn't get any enjoyment out of anything only time I went out other than to work was was to watch Wednesday. (Ironically this was when we were really bad, so that didn't bloody help!)

Often thought about suicide, but didn't go as far as you.

Eventually I snapped at work, broke down in tears, picked all my gear up and just walked out.

It turned out to be the thing that finally made me admit something was wrong  and to go to a doctor and get the help I needed. 

Tablets help, but I also can now see the symptoms and have various things I can do to try to stop it. (Sure you don't need telling about these)

 

Now I can talk about it openly I find so many other people have or are suffering with issues, but unfortunately I still think if it's not something you or someone close to you has been through it is hard to understand. Although things are definetly moving in the right direction, high profile cases can surely only help.

 

Anyway if anyone out there is suffering the only advice I would give is 

DO TALK TO SOMEONE. (Even if it's only me our any of the "crackpots" on here I'm sure all would be very happy to help)

 

Think we all now understand your username. 

Keep smiling mate and keep your sense of humour, you're no nutter you're a brave man, who's doing what he has to, to manage this horrible illness.

Glad to see Chris, you and the many others on here winning their battles.

Take care all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[OWL1969]

On 11/10/2017 at 20:46, Warnocchio said:

Like all was of life, plenty of footballers have complex backgrounds and plenty of demons. We should all think on that next time we feel like taking a cheap shot at a fellow human being.

Good luck to him.Great keeper on his day.

Can you just clarify for me.

Are Neil Warnock and Chris Wilder clased as fellow Human beings?

 

Only joking, we are all to eager to have a go at people, when we have no idea what's going on in their lives.

[Guest Wonder Spaniel]

6 hours ago, marcx666 said:

Mate if Owlstalk has saved you things must be REALLY f*cked at home, I only come on here to remind myself that no matter how screwed up I am, I'm actually not that bad 

You have to pick your thread wisely!

[heppers]

If the Gary Speed death was due to depression and suicide I am surprised football has not done more to publicise and remove the stigma from depression.

 

Well done Chris Kirkland for this brave and honest insight into depression.

[optimisticowl]

Too late for the likes of Dave Clement and Gary Speed, hopefully Chris 'coming out' will tell others that they are not alone, IMO he's a very strong person for doing so.

[Swiss Toni]

12 hours ago, OWL1969 said:

Another here with previous experience, still on Citalophram, (been on many different tablets in past) seems to be working but always have that fear at the back of my head that the darkness will return and never go away. 

I have to confess (to my shame) before my first experience of Depression I was one of those who (I obviously now know to my cost are wrong) thought it wasn't a real health issues and you could just pull  yourself together.

 

I was in denial with myself for a long time, my family all knew there was something wrong but I wouldn't admit, kept going to work hating everyday, sneaking out of the office and crying.

Would go home and just lie in bed, didn't want to talk to anybody or see anybody, just wanted to curl up and sleep and hopefully never wake up.

Didn't get any enjoyment out of anything only time I went out other than to work was was to watch Wednesday. (Ironically this was when we were really bad, so that didn't bloody help!)

Often thought about suicide, but didn't go as far as you.

Eventually I snapped at work, broke down in tears, picked all my gear up and just walked out.

It turned out to be the thing that finally made me admit something was wrong  and to go to a doctor and get the help I needed. 

Tablets help, but I also can now see the symptoms and have various things I can do to try to stop it. (Sure you don't need telling about these)

 

Now I can talk about it openly I find so many other people have or are suffering with issues, but unfortunately I still think if it's not something you or someone close to you has been through it is hard to understand. Although things are definetly moving in the right direction, high profile cases can surely only help.

 

Anyway if anyone out there is suffering the only advice I would give is 

DO TALK TO SOMEONE. (Even if it's only me our any of the "crackpots" on here I'm sure all would be very happy to help)

 

Think we all now understand your username. 

Keep smiling mate and keep your sense of humour, you're no nutter you're a brave man, who's doing what he has to, to manage this horrible illness.

Glad to see Chris, you and the many others on here winning their battles.

Take care all.

 

 

I can pretty much relate to  everything you say here mate. I had a breakdown and walked into my bosses office at the time and just said 'I can't do this any more'. That was probably the best thing I ever did because until then I had bottled everything up for months. My family, friends and people at work had seen it coming but nobody said anything. I was signed off for 3 months and went for counselling. Turned out to be my saviour because now I see the signs much earlier and try to deal with them before they can get out of control. I still know I'm not 100% but it's manageable and liveable. Being on Citalopram helps me and I'd rather stay on it than chance an episode getting out of my control as I know there have been times where I've been on the limit and had I not been on it then who knows?!

 

I can only echo the sentiments of you and others on here, try and open up and speak to someone if you can. It's probably the last thing on your mind at the time but can really help.

[Swiss Toni]

22 hours ago, darklord said:

Im on trazadone these days, more if a sleep help. Used to be on Fluoxetine but had side effects.

Getting the help in the first place can be a struggle.

When I jumped in the Harbour at 15  and went to the hospital I got no psch evaluation or the like. In fact even after several more attempts over the next 4 years (including slashing my wrists with a bottle in the middle of a nightclub on a  staff night out (that made me popular at work!) and having to be operated on because of it I still got no help or pysch evaluation. (in fact my GP told my girlfriend at the time it was done for attention).

It wasnt until around 2 years later my next girlfriend (my wife these days) marched me into the doctors after I basically had a breakdown. Luckily the Dr I saw was lovely and she got the ball rolling.  Took a long time to get some sort of balance, (I once attempted to drill into my head with a cordless drill and the neighbours had to stop me.

That was almost 15 years ago now and while I do get down just about everyday I have learnt to cope and I dont get the big ruts like before. Only once in the last 10 years have I thought about suicide again (last Christmas in fact).

 

So to all those suffering yes its bobbar and a bloody dark place but you can get yourself through to a more manageble state. The hardest thing is asking for help when your at your lowest. I once posted on here late at night about 3 years ago when I was in a state and the support of a few Owlstalk strangers that night helped me get to the next day.

 

So no matter how friggin embarassed you may be ask for help even if its from a bloody stranger. Because I promise you no matter how hard that might seem its a dam sight easier than writing a note to your loved ones or standing on that harbour wall and jumping in.

 

Sounds like you've been in much deeper than I ever was. I contemplated suicide twice but never quite went through with it - thankfully! They started me on Fluoxetene but like you it had side effects and turned out non productive. Only thing is you kind of have to wait 4 weeks to know it's not working as they say these things take time to reverse the balances in your brain. Even though you're getting professional help it can be 2-3 months before you see any shoots of progress if they keep putting you on various medication.

[OWL1969]

Reading all our replies, I think it is Wednesday that is the cause.

So lads/management/chairman if by any chance you're reading this, you owe us all, Promotion this year, followed by continous improvement will do.

Over to you boys. UTO!