markowl Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I've just bought a new book "The History of Glue". Can't put it down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Owl Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Two pieces of string in a bar. First goes up and asks for two pints of bitter and the barman says "sorry we don't serve string", so his mate (who is just about the tattiest piece of string in the world) says "leave it to me". Anyway he goes up to the bar and orders and the barman looks at him suspiciously and asks "are you a piece of string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot!" Gets coat and sends for TaxiMark! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dagmeister Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Just been reading a book called the naked Lion Tamer by Claude Balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Owl Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I've got one called the 100 Greatest Russian Wrestlers by Itora Bollakoff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest utOwlz Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to experiment in a rape fantasy She said "NO!" I said "that's the spirit!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest cypress hill Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to experiment in a rape fantasy She said "NO!" I said "that's the spirit!" you'l never learn, ched Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ry3owl Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Man says to wife! Come on me you an dog are off fishing wifre replies im not going fishing! Man replies you have 2 options or we are off you either take it up ass or give me a blowjob Wife says fine blowjob it is gets on hands an knees opens zip wife goes phwoar stinks like poo poo in here man replies yep dog didnt want togo fishing either! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
noddyowl Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I recently quit my job in a helium balloon factory. I wasnt being spoken to in that tone of voice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theowlsman Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 I've got one called the 100 Greatest Russian Wrestlers by Itora Bollakoff There used to be an Eastern European who drove a soft drinks delivery van round my Nan's estate. He was known as Mr. Dropusabottleofpopov Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fedor Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Bought an advent calendar for Jehovas witnesses, behind every door someone tells you to flip off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fedor Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 As a child my fairy godmother asked me if I wanted a really long tail or a really long memory. I forget my response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Big Guns Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 A German goes into the library and asks for a book about war....the librarian says flip off you lost the last two..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pompeyowl Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 that has to be one of the poorest jokes I've heard It's also one of the worst attempts at spelling aswell! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pompeyowl Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 A man was in a bar three stories above ground. He necks his pint then jumps out of the window. The same man enters the bar a minute later, orders a pint and jumps out the window again. A minute later the same man who previously jumped out the window twice enters the bar again. An onlooker who has witnessed what the man had done strolls up to the bar and requests a pint of whatever the man was drinking. He necks the pint, jumps out of the window and SPLAT!, he dies. The barman turns to the man and says "Superman, you're an absolute flap when you're pissed!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Owl Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Drunk man at fairground staggers up to the shooting range and doesn't miss a single target. His prize a tortoise. Comes up next night in similar poo poofaced state and same result, same prize. This goes on for the whole week that the fair is in town and on the last night (again after hitting all the targets) the owner of the stall offers the drunk the most enormous cuddly toy in the whole fair as a special prize. Drunk man declines and says: "Nah dunt wont wun o' them, gi' us another o' them pies wi' 'ard crust!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fedor Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 My imaginary friend keeps staring at me, the rogerin wierdo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fedor Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 "Go on," I said to the wife, "Let me see your sex face" "No" she snarled. "There, wasn't too difficult was it?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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