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Wednesday related jokes to get you smiling


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Three mugs walk into the Owls Megastore. Each goes up to the till holding last season's kit.

The lady behind the till says to each "that'll be £49, luv". Each of them pays and walks out.

Edited by bobness
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35 minutes ago, Nero said:

Owls 91 side set up a pre season friendly against United at their training ground. As usual Sheridan and Hirst are late for the coach, worse for wear and set off in a taxi for the game in a panic.

 

When they arrive they are the only two Wednesday players there.

 

The Wednesday coach arrives 2 hours later after breaking down on Herries Rd.

 

When the team finally arrive they see Sherri and Hirsty exhausted at the side of the pitch. Big Ron runs up and asks how it went.

 

Sheridan opens his eyes, sits up and says, 'How did it go! Fekkin disaster boss - it was 11 vs 2'.

 

Ron asks 'Why what happened Shez?'

 

'They equalised in the last minute!'

 

 

Sorry...:ph34r:

 

Imagine the score of Hirsty wouldn't have been sent off and Shez didn't sample happy hour in the Gate 😎

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In a cannibal village somewhere in South American rain forest a women goes in search of some brain to cook for the family she goes in a butchers hut and asks for a lawyers brain, "that will be 1000 pebbles" says the butcher, "that's too much" she replies, "can I have a hairdressers brain,?". "that will be 500 pebbles". "it's still too much, ahh well give me a Sheffield United supporters brain" he brings her a brain the size of a walnut, "that will be 3000 pebbles". "WHAT? she shouts, " how come that little piece is so expensive"? 

"lady, do you know how many United fans it took to make that piece? 10"!!! 

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Was in the 1867 lounge after the Portsmouth game..a sandwich walked up to the bar..pint er lager please..’ sorry we don’t serve food in here’ quipped the barman...then in walked some jump leads...’don’t go starting owt’ I said as I was leavin..

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Many years ago manager called Eric Taylor , we were having bad time. The National League in those days was called The Midlands League. After bad defeat to a London team, train pulled into station at Sheffield, Eric was fast asleep, guard woke him.  Eric said, “where are we”.?  The guard said, “The Midland”. Bloody hell, what happened to 3rd& 4th divisions!,

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An Englishman, Irishman and Scottishman walk into a bar. The English man turns the TV on, he searches the channels and finds the football; Scunthorpe vs Grimsby. The Scotsman, slightly perturbed, says "put the rugby on, it's an international between Argentina and Tonga. The Englishman refuses, insisting that the football game currently being played is a quality fixture that warrants his attention. The Irishman pipes up and asks that the Snooker be put on. The Englishman says that no one actually likes Snooker but many people enjoy playing it, because it has many similarities to pool and most people are introduced to pool in a pub setting, where many fond memories of being inebriated and spending time with good friends are made and therefore, people associate that with the game. Some go on to play Snooker in a hall that their mate gets free entry too, because of some tenuous link to someone who works there, others just play pool occasionally and aren't as good as they once thought they were. Regardless, the Snooker isn't going on the TV anytime soon.  

 

At this point, Grimsby lead 1-0 and one of the Scunthorpe players has stripped naked and is dousing themselves in Bovril. The Scotsman turns to the Englishman and says; "I'm glad we didn't watch the Snooker".

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Two blades fans, Pinky and Perky are walking down the road. Pinky says 'The guy who works in that chemist shop is selling his united season ticket for £10'. That's a bargain says Perky and goes into the shop. A few minutes later he emerges with something in his hand.  'Did you buy the season ticket?' asks Pinky. 'No' perky replies, 'that's a packet of condoms, I was too embarrassed to ask for the season ticket'.

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A Wednesday fan calls to see his United fan mate, who has a broken leg.


The United fan says, "Me feet are freezing pal, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"


"No bother," the Wednesday fan says. He runs upstairs and finds the United fan's two stunning 21 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.


"Alright ladies, ya father sent me up here to sh*g ya both."


"fizz off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," the Wednesday fan says, so he shouts down the stairs, "both of them, mate?"

"Of course, what's the use of ********' one?"

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Travelling salesman breaks down on Herries Road. He runs across the road to Hillsborough and asks the receptionist if she can put him up for the night.

 

Yes she replied, but you’ll have to sleep with my eighteen year old strapping son.

 

F*ckin’ Hell he shouted, I’m in the wrong f*ckin’ joke.

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