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So what did happen at Christmas?

heppers

By heppers
in Sheffield Wednesday Matchday

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airborne_rat_of_s6 Grand Master

airborne_rat_of_s6

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Hutch was dared to brown-tash Monk by Westwood at the Xmas party meal. To compound things, Fox decided to let off a party popper with the end in Monk's cream of mushroom soup, covering a few players and Garry in the sticky mess. Meanwhile Fletcher paid the DJ £50 to only play Simply Red and Florence and the Machine songs, after teasing Monk earlier about his ginger hair. Livid, covered in soup and with a top lip smelling like an Afghan toilet, Monk stormed out of the private area the club had hired in the Ibis hotel. On his way, he saw Lee and Nuhiu having a rolly outside. When they saw him and laughed, thier cards were similarly marked. The debacle at Stoke followed 24 hours later and the slide had started.

 

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Morepork Grand Master

Morepork

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2 minutes ago, airborne_rat_of_s6 said:

Hutch was dared to brown-tash Monk by Westwood at the Xmas party meal. To compound things, Fox decided to let off a party popper with the end in Monk's cream of mushroom soup, covering a few players and Garry in the sticky mess. Meanwhile Fletcher paid the DJ £50 to only play Simply Red and Florence and the Machine songs, after teasing Monk earlier about his ginger hair. Livid, covered in soup and with a top lip smelling like an Afghan toilet, Monk stormed out of the private area the club had hired in the Ibis hotel. On his way, he saw Lee and Nuhiu having a rolly outside. When they saw him and laughed, thier cards were similarly marked. The debacle at Stoke followed 24 hours later and the slide had started.

 


Hands down the most plausible scenario I’ve heard to date on this.

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Adem Poric Grand Master

Adem Poric

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Straight from the mouth of Hutch (via Neil);

 

"I drank copious amounts of alcohol.

Anyway the christmas party was announced.

Most of the colleagues there were very posh. Except the Scottish ones.

They'd booked a pleasant meal at a local restaurant and everyone was really looking forward to it

We arranged to meet at 8pm and finished training at 5pm.

5pm came and excitedly I went straight from the training ground to a local bar where I started to drink....

and drink...

and drink some more.

I found myself in the company of strangers and having a whale of a time getting to know my new found drinking buddies and we demolished a bottle of whiskey as well as plenty of lager

Then I checked my watch and whooooops - it was 5 past 8

Luckily the restaurant wasn't too far away so I started to make my way towards the christmas party

On the way I fell over and smashed my nose in, covering myself in dirt and embarrassing myself in front of christmas shoppers.

I stood up and noticed over the other side of the city centre street a homeless person begging.

Being Christmas and all, it would be wrong to deny this unfortunate person a nice warm meal amongst friends so I went over and drunkenly slurred "come with me mate... whats' your name ?"

His name was John and he was a right flipping stinking mess of homelessness and alcohol and was on the way to catching me up in terms of being pissed.

Imagine their surprise when I slammed the doors open in the restaurant and shouted "I'M HERE !!!!!! AND SO IS JOHN!!!!" at the top of my voice.

We staggered over to the table - I pushed the plates and cutlery up on the table and put another chair in so John could sit down.

I shit you not - this is what happened next, John staggered over, shouted "fooooooook" and fell down onto the chair where he proceeded to get his own bottle of alcohol out of his coat and start to smile and shout "fooooking cheers !!" at everyone over and over and over again.

The boss immediately stood up and said to me "Can I have a word with you in private please..."

I went with Garry and he said; "You've obviously had a drink so I need to be clear.. you need to tell your friend he can't stop. this is a private christmas party and you're ruining it for everyone"

I replied with "he's my mate, it's christmas you gel hair twat, flipping chill out and enjoy it man..."

Monk said "We'll say no more about this tomorrow if you sort it out now and send your friend home and I suggest you have a coffee".

I replied "He's stopping and so am I"

I went back to the table and sat down next to John who was having a great time

Looking round the table everyone looked a mixture of shocked, offended and disgusted.

This just made it all the more enjoyable.

The next hour or so is a bit of a blur.

The next thing that happened was clear however.

Our entire party was kicked out and Monk came over to me in the street VERY VERY angry.

"Sam, the manager of the restaurant has said that one of our party has urinated under the table and someone else has broken the toilet seat and there's human waste up the wall in the toilets".

I denied doing the wee under the table and tried to blame John but apparantly by then he'd already gone and sat outside on the front step to the restaurant leaving the restaurant with an awkward position as they couldnt' tell one of our party to move along.

I then proceeded to throw up all over the street and it splashed my bosses new shoes.

The next day at work was interesting to say the least

ROCK AND ROLL"

*note - alcohol is NOT good and nor is weeing under the table when out with work*

 

 

So there you have it.

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