oldtawnyowl Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 15 hours ago, vulva said: South. I don't think Kop people eat chutney. Think it’s all crisp sandwiches and club biscuits on there. WHAT ! 'Course they do! Haven't you ever tried chutney on your crisp sandwiches? Maybe not beetroot and orange tho' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prowl Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 15 minutes ago, Owl Stork said: You've had a lot of time to think about this haven't you? 3 minutes ago, Goatboy said: Here's a suggestion Buy several packs of Munchies. Glue said confectionery to the sides of the jars. Paint the jars a nice olive green colour and attach a keyring to the side of each lid If discovered, the stewards will mistake the contraband chutney for US Army WW2 pineapple grenades. Nobody will suspect a thing and you can hand over your saucy smuggled snacks I can see a slight, ok very slight, risk with that. It involves the bomb squad, armed response unit, SWAT teams, SAS. Special Branch and every anti terrorist body in the country being called. Nothing to worry about though, just go for it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goatboy Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 1 minute ago, prowl said: I can see a slight, ok very slight, risk with that. It involves the bomb squad, armed response unit, SWAT teams, SAS. Special Branch and every anti terrorist body in the country being called. Nothing to worry about though, just go for it. As long as SAG dont get involved, it'll be reyt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yellowbelly Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Big hat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 15 hours ago, vulva said: To clarify, I’ve not made the chutney. Don’t particularly warm to the stuff. I’m just the carrier in this pre Christmas transaction. This is how county lines operations work, start off pushing a few jars of mild condiments and once they prove they can do that it's on to the harder stuff. Before long the South Stand will be awash with onion salad and chilli dip and the trumping will be worse than on the Kop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cowl Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Could you ring or email ahead and tell them that you want to bring some chutney to pass onto a mate. Nothing to lose, surely? They might say it's okay, and it hardly raises the risk of failure for you if they say no since they're hardly likely to tell stewards to be on the look out for some chutney-wielding maniac. Also, could you wrap the chutney as though it were a proper present? Might get more leniency in the event of you being stopped? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hookowl Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Send it in by owl they're always welcome at Hillsborough. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
belfast owl lad Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Have you tried the Chutney Tunnel? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The only way is S6 Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 2 hours ago, Owl Stork said: 2 out of 3 isn't bad. It's chutney, not meat loaf. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salmonbones Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Ask Charlie Webster to accompany you. I'm sure she has somewhere large about herself she could secrete them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The only way is S6 Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edmontonowl Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Dress like this. One jar in the hair, one in each shoe Watch out for rakes, though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frazzlebeak Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Chutney.................4.......maybe5 Pages...............Owlstalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hookowl Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greengrass Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 This is a real dilemma now for Vulva, firstly parking issues, I mean you know his views on this. You really don't want to be parking far away whilst having to carry 3 chutney jars into the ground. Cold weather means 'big coat' & hat so should be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asteener1867 Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 (edited) Plastic elasticated incontinent pads x2... park the car early, get the chutney outta the boot, strip off put plasticc incontinent pants on.... Decant chutney in between the 2 pairs of incontinent pads, ensuring no leakage... Walk gingerly to ground... If a Steward asks search you, let him..as he pats you down, smile awkwardly and ask if "This is the turnstile nearest the toilet?"..i guarantee he will quickly wave you through...arrange to meet recipient..."Ensuring he/she also has 2x Incontinence pads..."..and decant from one to the other in the toilets at the back of whichever stand you are in..during a quiet period during the game... Thats how I do ..err...would do it Edited November 8, 2019 by asteener1867 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asteener1867 Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Just now, A12owl said: Who'd have thunk it. A thread about Chutney gets more pages in less than 24 hours than just about any other thread on Matchday section . What's the world coming to? The imagination and solutions to a simple problem has so many alternatives offered by OT contributors its unbelievable Jeff. I do hope we read about the outcome after the match on Saturday. New thread please @vulva for the report on your day. If nothing appears we will assume you were arrested at the gate for smuggling Posh Chutney into a football ground. I wonder what the magistrate will think of it and what sentence he will pass. Cue another load of stuff for a suggested sentence. Can you explain the reason for this chutneygate? Judge Pickles is hearing the case ...(Older members may remember ) 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognacbarnowl Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 2 minutes ago, asteener1867 said: Judge Pickles is hearing the case ...(Older members may remember ) Reight footy fan was oldfart Pickles, FFS. Always remember him shouting, "Take him down!!" pmsl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The only way is S6 Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 9 minutes ago, asteener1867 said: Judge Pickles is hearing the case ...(Older members may remember ) I can remember judge Lionel Nutmeg from Vic Reeves BNO. As for chutney in Tena men pants ffs. I’d rather follow through than wear them! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
therac Posted November 8, 2019 Share Posted November 8, 2019 Easy answer, just rely on owlstalk. Everyone nip down to Aldi, buy up 3 jars of chutney and declare it on the way in. By the time they have confiscated a few thousand jars they will be waving everyone through. Just turn up a bit late... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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