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Chutney


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7 minutes ago, Groundhopping Owl said:

Find a steward with a sense of humour and all will be reyt. If you find the one who tried to refuse to let me in because I had an overnight bag (having travelled 300 miles for a Friday night game, which entails, you know... staying overnight) then wait for his superior to come along and order him to belt up.

 

Alternatively bring a fourth jar and use it as bribery.

 

Yes your honour he attempted to bribe me with a jar of chutney

 

Image result for keith lard peter kay

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3 hours ago, Everywhere & nowhere said:
Get a cat in the hat hat and stash your chutney in there. Surely wouldn’t attract any attention.
 
 

3371E4B8-03BB-4C4C-83D6-E7CCC123C480.jpeg

Works at Anfield and Goodison, they think you're one of the Diddymen!

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Slap a vaguely professional-looking 'Chansiri's Christmas Chutney' sticker on each jar and tell the stewards you've just bought them in the club shop.

 

Just make sure the pricing is realistic enough to fool them. Something like '£2 for season ticket holders, £3.60 for members, £25 for everyone else' should do the trick.

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Ok lads listen up I want a tightly policed game no corners cut, intel has suggested somone is to smuggle 3 jars or jam into the ground, still not sure if it's jam or pickle, or if there the same thing but we have guys working round the clock, somthing about mango and beetroot

"but beetroot in a jam Sir"

these guys are the real deal Sullivan, they have links to the muJAHedin..

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9 hours ago, vulva said:

To clarify, I’ve not made the chutney. Don’t particularly warm to the stuff. I’m just the carrier in this pre Christmas transaction. 


IMDB review 

 

The Mule (Star rating 1/5)

 

Aging football fan, Vulva, forced against his will to smuggle chutney into a (not very) crowded stadium, without the crack troop of highly-trained, eagle-eyed stewards spotting him.

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Just now, Holmowl said:


IMDB review 

 

The Mule (Star rating 1/5)

 

Aging football fan, Vulva, forced against his will to smuggle chutney into a (not very) crowded stadium, without the crack troop of highly-trained, eagle-eyed stewards spotting him.

Aging? I was thinking more youthful and cavalier. 

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You'll need a hi-viz jacket with "Chutney Supervisor" written on the back in black felt tip.

 

Then simply approach the gate and shout "Chutney supervisor... coming through!" and you'll get straight in, no problem.

 

I did it a few weeks ago and I didn't even have to pay to get in.

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