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It’s a shame platform soled shoes aren’t in fashion...you could have used one jar for each heel. Cross dressing might be the only solution...or under a police helmet? Do the rozzers still wear helmets? I don’t get out much:sad:

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So if anyone hears a lot of moaning/groaning/screaming followed by a large splash and sigh... it’s Vulva banging a jar of chutney out the old sh.it pipe. 

WTF:

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14 minutes ago, robowl4life said:

So if anyone hears a lot of moaning/groaning/screaming followed by a large splash and sigh... it’s Vulva banging a jar of chutney out the old sh.it pipe. 

WTF:

He'd nnnnnnnever try that!

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I used to admire this man for banging out random pensioners on The Moor.

 

Now he’s smuggling chutney.  Broken Britain!

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Find a steward with a sense of humour and all will be reyt. If you find the one who tried to refuse to let me in because I had an overnight bag (having travelled 300 miles for a Friday night game, which entails, you know... staying overnight) then wait for his superior to come along and order him to belt up.

 

Alternatively bring a fourth jar and use it as bribery.

Edited by Groundhopping Owl

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7 minutes ago, Groundhopping Owl said:

Find a steward with a sense of humour and all will be reyt. If you find the one who tried to refuse to let me in because I had an overnight bag (having travelled 300 miles for a Friday night game, which entails, you know... staying overnight) then wait for his superior to come along and order him to belt up.

 

Alternatively bring a fourth jar and use it as bribery.

 

Yes your honour he attempted to bribe me with a jar of chutney

 

Image result for keith lard peter kay

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3 hours ago, Everywhere & nowhere said:
Get a cat in the hat hat and stash your chutney in there. Surely wouldn’t attract any attention.
 
 

3371E4B8-03BB-4C4C-83D6-E7CCC123C480.jpeg

Works at Anfield and Goodison, they think you're one of the Diddymen!

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Slap a vaguely professional-looking 'Chansiri's Christmas Chutney' sticker on each jar and tell the stewards you've just bought them in the club shop.

 

Just make sure the pricing is realistic enough to fool them. Something like '£2 for season ticket holders, £3.60 for members, £25 for everyone else' should do the trick.

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Just gaffer tape 'em to the bottom of the canoe, FFS :bullen:

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1 hour ago, cognacbarnowl said:

 

 

Just gaffer tape 'em to the bottom of the canoe, FFS :bullen:

 

Just point up to the sky when they look up rush the turnstiles, works for me that's how I get my flares in. 

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Ok lads listen up I want a tightly policed game no corners cut, intel has suggested somone is to smuggle 3 jars or jam into the ground, still not sure if it's jam or pickle, or if there the same thing but we have guys working round the clock, somthing about mango and beetroot

"but beetroot in a jam Sir"

these guys are the real deal Sullivan, they have links to the muJAHedin..

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You’ve done it now there will be stewards searching everyone going into the ground. We will miss the first half and there will be a 50 page thread on why this happened. It’s all your fault. 

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Some good suggestions. 

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Two pages, no mention of domestic polecats....that’s evolution. lol

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9 hours ago, vulva said:

To clarify, I’ve not made the chutney. Don’t particularly warm to the stuff. I’m just the carrier in this pre Christmas transaction. 


IMDB review 

 

The Mule (Star rating 1/5)

 

Aging football fan, Vulva, forced against his will to smuggle chutney into a (not very) crowded stadium, without the crack troop of highly-trained, eagle-eyed stewards spotting him.

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7 minutes ago, vulva said:

Some good suggestions. 

You do realise that you have opened up a new avenue for drug smuggling. SYP have yet another reason for restricting attendances. Hillsborough centre of the drugs world. Ground closed until every inch has been searched for drugs. 

Swansea game suspended after 15 minutes while police search everybody in the ground. VAR used to find someone with a large bulge in their jacket. Fessi sent off for nothing in particular.

20 point deduction .

If Tango wasn't banned you could have asked him to sneak them in one of the folds in his belly.

 

All because  @vulva loves Chutney.

You will go down in Wednesday folklore.

 

 

 

Screenshot_20191108-081316.jpg

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Just now, Holmowl said:


IMDB review 

 

The Mule (Star rating 1/5)

 

Aging football fan, Vulva, forced against his will to smuggle chutney into a (not very) crowded stadium, without the crack troop of highly-trained, eagle-eyed stewards spotting him.

Aging? I was thinking more youthful and cavalier. 

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