Empathy for Penguin...

[Lord Snooty]

... Sometimes even the dead cert deals fall at the final hurdle.

The messenger can't always be blamed if the clubs fail to materialise the deals.

 

I too was once made to look a fake ITK'er when a deal was pulled by the club because the player didn't belong to our advisors stable and the powers that be didn't want stripes. 

 

Quote

Ronaldo.

To Hillsborough.

Not just to visit Semi either.

Here to play.

 

I'm ITK know and can reveal the source.

 

ME. 

I set the deal up.

Well, not all of it. There was an intermediary.

 

 

It all started when I popped into the Crosspool Tavern between Christmas and New Year for a drink with an old chum. Well....you know how these things go. Before I knew it I had drunk far too much and was a bit wobbly on my feet.  

I went to the toilet, but being slightly disorientated I took the wrong door and ended up in the cellar.  I was about to come back out when I heard a muffled noise. I went further into the dark to investigate and there was a chap in the corner. Sat their shaking. 

He saw me . He was rocking back and forth. 

 "I say," I said "what on Earth are you doing down here old chap?"

He looked back at me with sad eyes and replied in a whisper "I'm in exile. I keep myself down here to keep myself sane. To keep me away from OT"

"Oh, Owlstalk" I said. "It's still as crazy as ever. It's the transfer window. You know what that's like. Mad rumours abound"

Suddenly his eyes lit up.

"I know about one". he said. "You'll be able to tell them you're ITK."

"I'm  not really bothered" I said.

"Ronaldo. He wants to come. Semedo is his friend"

"I know that old lad, but he's never coming here."

"He will. He will" he said, a mad look in his eye "and you can make it happen," He reached in his pocket  "I have a friend , you must contact him.," he said pulling out a scrap of paper and thrusting it into my hand.

"Ok." I said putting the slip into my waistcoat quickly,  now quite keen to escape as he was an unusual fellow and no mistake!

As I turned to go he started rocking again. "Please do it. Please do it. If you don't.....it'll be Ben10 all over again."

I returned upstairs ,mentioning nothing of the experience to my friend, who I was sure would think me quite mad.

 

 

It was only the next day as i lifted my jacket and that the note fell out that I remembered that strange meeting. 

 There was a phone number in it. 

I was intrigued , and though I knew it was probably a dead number I rang it anyway. 

There was, as i expected, no answer. 

 

After  hearty breakfast of egg, bacon, black pudding and coffee I decided to have a walk through the grounds for some fresh air, but I was barely on the lawn when my man servant Stubbs called from the window "Sir, there's a Gentleman on the phone. Says he's returning your call."

I walked briskly back towards the house. As Stubbs handed over the receiver he put his hand over the mouthpiece and whispered to me "He calls himself, The Penguin, Sir".

And then he walked away. Has an funny way of looking at me in those situations, old Stubbs. Make me feel a fool, and it's hard to fathom why. Anyway. That's when I spoke to the Penguin.

I never met the penguin, and the voice on the phone had clearly been through some of of device to disguise it.  However. He did say that he would arrange for me to meet Ronaldo.

 

Which is how I ended up at the Hotel Corinthia in Lisbon, sat by a pool with one of the Worlds most decorated players.  

 

It all went surprisingly smoothly. I didn't have to sell the club at all. If anything it was he who was trying to sell himself to me!

 

He said to me "Lord Snooty, please don't be offended , and please don't think me rude. But I am one of the greatest players in the world, and though I dearly want to come and play for The Wednesday there are a few things I would like in exchange for taking a 2000% cut in wages."

Keen to find out what the lad could possibly want that could replace the lost money I asked him what these things were.

      "I can only come to your most special club," he said "with it's rich and magnificent history, if three things happen."

      "Do go on" I said

      "I want a proper Wednesday shirt. All over the World people know the Identity of the greatest club.  People may talk about the marketing, but to me it is about the soul of the club. The instant recognition in you eye, your head and your heart.  Real Madrid, you think white kit. You know it. Liverpool Red. Of course.  Juventus. Black and white stripes.  Sheffield Wednesday, blue and white stripes. Derek Dooley, David Hirst. These players are so ingrained in the imagery of the club. I know it might seem I am pushy, but I want ,when I come, to feel like I am representing the real Sheffield Wednesday. When i look back over my long and glorious career and look in my scrap book, I want to see me in that proper kit, The kit of Dooley, and Hirst , the kit of Big Viv Anderson.  If you can do this for me, I will come. "

   "Well , I think we could do that old boy," I said knowing it a lie, but hoping it was something we might be able to sort at a later date.

   "And it must be the black shorts too!" he said suddenly looking concerned.

   "Black shorts?"

   "I have won the European Cup, The European Championship, I have won the Titles in England and Spain. I have surpassed all goal scoring records. But I don't want to come to Sheffield Wednesday just to play out my days"

    "You don't?" I said 

    "No!" he said looking mortally offended. "I still want the greatest prize. The English Championship Trophy."

    "You've already won it." I said confused.

    "No, not the Premier League Trophy. That thing, it is cheap tat. No style. No history. I want the proper trophy the English Championship Trophy. And the only way I can win it. To hold it in my hands is to play in the second tier of English football."

 

 

  "What does that have to do with shorts?" I said, feeling a bit of a buffoon.

    "Because Sheffield Wednesday only win the three major English Trophies when we wear the black shorts!" he said, looking at me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

     "Of course," I said Pretending I had any idea of what he was on about "what are the other two things?"

     "Pardon," he said leaning his bronzed body forward on his sun lounger and taking a sip of water.

     "You said there were three things?"

      "Oh yes, sorry," he said "I was day dreaming about David Hirsts goal against Aston Villa on Big Rons return there for a moment. The swerve. And with a proper ball too!"

I could see he was daydreaming again.

     "Ronny , my boy?" He looked at me blankly "The other two things?"I pressed on. 

     "Yes," he said. "Number two is the chocolate orange. I know how much it means. It is the clubs Relic. Like St Georges' Lance, or the The Grail of Christ.  But I have a sweet tooth, though you wouldn't know it with my torso looking like it is chiseled from finest Italian marble. But yes. A sweet tooth. Chocolate orange especially, and I know that there is the worlds biggest, most beautiful one, hand sculptured by Faberge himself,  and is wrapped in Gold Leaf and sat on the top of that fantastic ornate Archibald Leach metal work on the South Stand roof. It is a relic. A symbol. But I want it"

 

 

  By God! I thought. The chap is showing all the ruthlessness he shows defenders here. But I nodded anyway "I think that could be arranged." I said wiping the sweat from my brow.  "And the third thing?"

 

He smiled  "If your could arrange the blue socks with the white tops, that would make my dream come true, because when I was a boy in Funchal and my father told me stories of the famous Sheffield Wednesday, I would lie in my bed at night. Dreaming that one day, when I had got the opportunity... when I had wasted my mistakes at lesser clubs like Real and Manchester united, and when I had spent a lifetime training and learning to be the best player in the World.....I swore that , that day,  I could wear those socks like my hero Redfern Froggatt"

 

 

I agreed in principle to all his requests and let the club know. Though so far they haven't returned my calls. 

But that is how Ronaldo, has agreed in principle to sign for Sheffield Wednesday. 

 

Whether it happens now, is very much up to the chairman. 

 

Eeeh deary me.

What could have been...

 

[offalyowl]

Why don't you try and get messi to play for us too, I believe he also dreamt of wearing blue and white stripes shirts 

[ash60s]

yes he did - but NOT at Espanyol Barca's city rivals 

[trumbullowl]

By Jove he's right Snoots, that's a damn fine trophy and far better than the artless tat that Premier League winners have to hold up. 

Frank McLintock would have looked a right prat in that 1971 photo with the FA Cup in his right arm and the PL abomination in his left arm.

When are we going to do the Double? If Bazza's captain would he be able to lift both trophies? 

[steveger]

Edited May 10, 2018 by steveger
the arctic teddies in the graphic above are obviously chilling out in a zoo as everyone knows you dont get penguins in the Arctic or Polar Bears in the Antarctic before some smartarse points this out

[bobness]

1 hour ago, offalyowl said:

Why don't you try and get messi to play for us too, I believe he also dreamt of wearing blue and white stripes shirts 

Not really mate, as a kid he dreamt of playing for Swansea

[bobness]

4 minutes ago, steveger said:

It seems cruel, but it's for the better

#empathy

[Hughthecone]

4 hours ago, Lord Snooty said:

... Sometimes even the dead cert deals fall at the final hurdle.

The messenger can't always be blamed if the clubs fail to materialise the deals.

 

I too was once made to look a fake ITK'er when a deal was pulled by the club because the player didn't belong to our advisors stable and the powers that be didn't want stripes. 

 

 

Eeeh deary me.

What could have been...

 

Brilliant Snoots really enjoyed that,couldn't sleep so arose to find this gem on OT.

 

[Utah Owl]

Empathy for Penguin? Shouldn't that title read "Sympathy for the Devil?"

[Hougoumont]

Something has just occurred to me. All this talk about wether the central stripe should be blue or white has been in vain. Look again at the shirt of our illustrious forward Red Froggatt and you'll see it should be neither.  Get this right and there's nothing to stop us becoming next seasons invincibles of the Championship.

[Lord Snooty]

11 minutes ago, Hougoumont said:

Something has just occurred to me. All this talk about wether the central stripe should be blue or white has been in vain. Look again at the shirt of our illustrious forward Red Froggatt and you'll see it should be neither.  Get this right and there's nothing to stop us becoming next seasons invincibles of the Championship.

 

 

I think it's something that really needs looking into by the top science and stats boffins. The success rate. of the half and half. 

I do think there is a lot of positive energy tied up in that white flash down the side of the shorts. That too needs exploring.

The smart haircut and lack of sleeve tattoos goes without saying.

 

Edited May 10, 2018 by Lord Snooty

[Howards back]

And there was me thinking it was a thread about Gotham. 

[F. Spiksley]

1 hour ago, Hougoumont said:

Something has just occurred to me. All this talk about wether the central stripe should be blue or white has been in vain. Look again at the shirt of our illustrious forward Red Froggatt and you'll see it should be neither.  Get this right and there's nothing to stop us becoming next seasons invincibles of the Championship.

 

Tommyrot! I'm not having it.

 

We are blue and white, hence central blue stripe.

[Lord Snooty]

18 minutes ago, brazilowl said:

And there was me thinking it was a thread about Gotham. 

 

The closed season in here does have more than a passing similarity to parts of Gotham it must be said.

 

[GY-owl.4]

2 hours ago, Utah Owl said:

Empathy for Penguin? Shouldn't that title read "Sympathy for the Devil?"

 

Please allow me to introduce myself...

[Lord Snooty]

40 minutes ago, GY-owl.4 said:

 

Please allow me to introduce myself...

I'm a man of wealth and taste

(Though that much should be obvious)

[Howards back]

58 minutes ago, Lord Snooty said:

 

The closed season in here does have more than a passing similarity to parts of Gotham it must be said.

 

That’s where lots of owlstalkers go for holidays 

[Plonk]

What a remarkable story snoots. Who would have thought it possible? ( awaits thread on bladesmad re deluded wend6 believing it happened).

 

But that kit! What an absolute thing of Beaty!!

[dumboldowl]

Snoots, did you write the Forsythe Saga in your spare time ?

[royalowlisback]

Don't p-p-p-p-pick on a penguin.