pauli Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 TODAY’S OPPOSITES Celebrity Big Brother star Chantelle Houghton was so unhappy during her 10-month marriage to 2nd Division football club Preston North End she became intelligent, it has been claimed. Blonde Chantelle, 24, reportedly started "reading books" and researching British history soon after she tied the knot. "I stopped caring about leading a vacuous and shallow life of celeb parties and buying £12,000 shoes and started to want to better myself. I even started to read Tolstoy's "War & Peace". It was a terrible time for me.” The former professional Paris Hilton lookalike became very knowledgeable about English Literature, taking a particular interest in Robert Tressel's novel about the struggles of the early 20th century working class, "The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists". As she became more distant from her air-headed ways it became increasingly clear her relationship with Preston North End was doomed to fail. As Preston went out trying to win promotion to the Premiership and the prospect of European glory, Chantelle stayed at home alone and began reading volumes and volumes of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. "I even started to learn Japanese!," she admitted. But thankfully, Chantelle had the courage to make the break and the couple split up in June. Chantelle herself is so pleased that she is back to her old, self absorbed, shallow headed self. After weeks of drug and booze binges her temporary intelligence has now left her. "It's great, don't ask me where Scotland is, or even Preston for that matter as I haven't a clue!” Chantelle said last night shortly after "powdering" her nose. As for poor old Preston, hopefully, relegation to Division 3 beckons. IMPORTANT THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO KNOW Venue: Hillsborough Stadium. Kick Off: Saturday the 3rd of December at 15:00 Matchday Apparel: Home shirt, massive flags. No crumpets. Matchday Drink: The first 16 Pint Challenge of December. So beer. Also half time Bovril. Matchday Pie: Squire of Preston and Onion. Matchday Song: “I’m a Man” by Smoove… MATCHDAY FACTS Sheffield Wednesday boss Carlos Carvalhal could stick with the same team that beat Wolves last time out. The Owls have no new injury or suspension concerns, but striker Gary Hooper remains sidelined with a hamstring injury. Preston have striker Jermaine Beckford back after a month out with a thigh problem, while Stevie Maybe could return from his long-term knee injury. Paul Gallagher, John Welsh (both calf) and Calum Woods (knee) are out. Head To Head ▪ The Owls have won their last two home league games against Preston, including a 3-1 victory in this fixture last season. ▪ Preston have kept only one clean sheet in their last 24 away league meetings with Sheffield Wednesday (1-0 in March 2003). ▪ Wednesday's Kieran Lee has made the most tackles in the league this season (59). ▪ Sheffield Wednesday have lost two of their last three home league games, the same total they'd lost in the previous 25 combined. ▪ North End have only lost one of their last 10 Championship matches (W5 D4). ▪ No Championship player has provided more assists this season than Paul Gallagher (5). KING CARLOS’ PEARLS OF WISDOM “The Preston drew at Brighton, they won at Norwich, they are doing very well in the Championship and especially in the away games. We know the opponent, we know what they can do and we are preparing the team. We have confidence to the game, our confidence now is higher, we are playing like a team and we wish to continue to play good football and to fight for the three points against a very tough opponent.” I think it is very clear to understand. We reacted very strong after the defeat against Ipswich, we did a fantastic game against Fulham. Last game we performed well, won the three points at the Wolves and that was important. We did a very solid game but this is a good time to come back here in front of our fans. We want them to make a big presence because nobody can beat us at Hillsborough with our fans at 100%, absolutely sure.” MINTYNESS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
acquiescefc Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Stevie Maybe.. love it. Wish I was going to the airport tomoro. Cum on wednzdiz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aeroswfc Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 COME ON WEDNESDAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyingOwl Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 What? A home game? What is this witchcraft? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmowl Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Great work Pauli but have you unearthed some strange Preston mass sex act in progress? In the photo:- Top centre - player is cupping beardy's balls. Top right- clear case of pocket billiards Botton centre - loveheart crotch framing going on But onto purer thoughts... 4-1 FF, Joao, Fletch, Lee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lombardo Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 cant wait to get to my seat later today. could be a tough one but we should be more than capeable of getting a win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gresh Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 A comfortable 2 v 0 win for us with Joao and FF on the score sheet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rogers Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Scrappy 2-1 win, Joao and Bannan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognacbarnowl Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 5 minutes ago, FlyingOwl said: What? A home game? What is this witchcraft? Sorry Flying Owl ; Pauli says "no crumpet" why don't we have a sobbing emote ?? Mebbe stunned brummie might do PLAY UP , THE WEDNESDAY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronio Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Morning all, Nice one Pauli. Momentum has clearly been picking up lately, so I think we will run riot in this one. About time we give someone a proper smashing. 5 nil Wednesday, a brace from Fernando with Lee, Joao and Wallace the other scorers. LETS DO THIS!! COME ON WEDNESDAY!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cersei Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 We need form, Can't remember the last time we had real form, draws and wins with plenty of goals. Please please please carry over the momentum lads, 2nd is well within reach and if we miss out then 3rd or 4th will really help get us to Wembley again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
S36 OWL Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 brilliant OMDT Pauli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
33 Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Sweet stuff pauli Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Preston. "The fourth most successful club of all time" in the Football League don't you know. Last major honour... almost 80 years ago. Is Vermicelli still at the sheep botherers? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauli Posted December 3, 2016 Author Share Posted December 3, 2016 16 minutes ago, cognacbarnowl said: Sorry Flying Owl ; Pauli says "no crumpet" why don't we have a sobbing emote ?? Mebbe stunned brummie might do PLAY UP , THE WEDNESDAY It says, "No crumpets", my friend. A debate is raging in the Dressing Room section. Dressing Room is a bit of owlstalk where only lunatics, mardy arses or supporters of witchcraft, homosexuality and communism are condemned to post. But! Southern fannies are insististing that our beloved Yorkshire PIKELETS should be re-named to crumpets. This will not stand. Crumpet is what you get in bed and while you can also sit in your bed eating crumpets, it's not the same thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WOLS Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 OMG Very excited. Being waiting a long time for this match. Surely we will sweep away these minnows of modern football? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WC1Owl Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Gonna smash these 1-0 (Vermijl OG) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LJH1867OWLS Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Great OMTD again Pauli mate! Very tough game today Preston got great results against Norwich and Brighton so won't be push overs and shouldn't be taken lightly. I'm going for a hard fought 1-0 win for the Wednesday with fletcher scoring. RELEASE THE LLAMA BUT MELO IS REST'N HE MISSED THE TRAM SO CANT PLAY PRESTON! COME ON WEDNESDAY!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ash60s Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 Gotta feeling we release the strikers - 3 nowt Wednesday FF Joao Fletch Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognacbarnowl Posted December 3, 2016 Share Posted December 3, 2016 53 minutes ago, pauli said: It says, "No crumpets", my friend. A debate is raging in the Dressing Room section. Dressing Room is a bit of owlstalk where only lunatics, mardy arses or supporters of witchcraft, homosexuality and communism are condemned to post. But! Southern fannies are insististing that our beloved Yorkshire PIKELETS should be re-named to crumpets. This will not stand. Crumpet is what you get in bed and while you can also sit in your bed eating crumpets, it's not the same thing. But sometimes I gets crumpets in bed and we all eat hot buttered pikelets together just to get all dirty and greasy before the main event. ( usually sleeping at my age, pmsl ) However, my intrigue has been piqued by mention of this Dressing room place of which you wax lyrically and I may just pay a visit when I finally get some time off work to see if I can put my wooden spoon to some good use there. Anyways, I would have made a special trip over just to smuggle Flying Owl in if There had been a proper moratorium on crumpet being allowed today. Nice work anyway Pauli. Keep it up old chap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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