pauli Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 TODAY’S OPPOSITES During a parade for the Roman Guvna of Landanium, Kennus Livingstonus, loose tiles fall from the roof of Charlton’s house. Livingstonus is thrown from his startled horse and nearly killed. Although garrison commander Dirty Dennus knows this was an accident, he condemns Charlton to the galleys anyway and imprisons his mother Angiewatts and sister Sharonwatts. By punishing a known friend and prominent citizen, he hopes to intimidate the Landanium populace. Charlton swears to take revenge. After three years as a galley slave, Charlton is assigned to the flagship of the Roman Consul Carlus Ancelotti, who has been charged with destroying a fleet of bloodthirsty Millwallian pirates led by Gordanus Bennetus. Ancelotti admires Charlton's determination and self-discipline and offers to train him as a hooligan or charioteer. Charlton declines the offer, declaring that Gasseous, the god of fizzy lager and his angel, Watneyus Redbarrelium will aid him in his quest for vengeance. When the Roman fleet encounters Bennetus and his Millwallians, Ancelotti orders all the rowers except Charlton to be chained to their oars. Ancelotti's galley is rammed and sunk, but Charlton unchains the other rowers, and rescues Ancelotti. In despair, Ancelotti wrongly believes the battle ended in defeat and attempts to atone in the Roman way by "falling on his sword", but Charlton stops him. They are rescued, and Ancelotti is credited with the Roman fleet's victory. Ancelotti successfully petitions Emperor Abramovicus to free Charlton, and adopts him as his son. Another year passes. Wealthy again, Charlton learns Roman ways and becomes a champion charioteer, but still longs for his family and homeland. Charlton returns to Landanium. Along the way, he meets Sheik Abdullah ibn Bogrol who has just lost a pound in the Northern Lands and is on his way home. The despondent Sheik has heard of Charlton's prowess as a charioteer, and desparate to somehow get some of his money back, asks him to drive his chariot in a race before the new Landanium Guvna Borus Johnsonus. Charlton declines, even after he learns that Dirty Dennus will also compete. Charlton then returns to his ancestral home in Sarf Landanium's Catfordae. He visits Dirty Dennus to demand his mother and sister's freedom. They are freed but the Romans discover that Angiewatts and Sharonwatts contracted leprosy in prison, and expel them from the city. It is then that he changes his mind and decides to seek vengeance on Dirty Dennus by competing against him in the chariot race. During the chariot race, Dirty Dennus drives a chariot with blades (boooooo!) on the hubs to tear apart competing vehicles; he attempts to destroy Charlton's chariot but destroys his own instead. Dirty Dennus is fatally injured, while Charlton wins the race. Before dying, Dirty Dennus tells Charlton that he can find his family in the Valley of the Lepers, “if you can recognize them." Finishing Dennus orf wiv a sandal ap the ‘arris, Charlton visits the nearby leper colony, where he sees his mother and sister. Blaming Roman rule for his family's fate, Charlton rejects Ancelotti’s patrimony and his Roman citizenship. Learning that Sharonwatts is dying, Charlton takes Angiewatts to see Mourihnous, but the trial of Mourihnous before Borus Johnsonus has already begun. Charlton witnesses the crucifixion of Mourihnous, and Angiewatts and Sharonwatts are miraculously healed during the rainstorm following the crucifixion. Charlton declares, “Gor blimey Guvna, arf arf. Innit.†Charlton returns to the Valley of the Lepers and throws a ball into their midst. The lepers soon start to demonstate decent dribbling and shooting skills. He decides to form a football team. Noting that bits of the lepers are continually falling off, Charlton sees an opportunity for getting loads of free kicks and penalties, even if the marking opposite is five yards away when they have the ball. Due to all the skillful cheating, “Ref!, Ref!, both of his ears jast fell orf in the area, moy san!â€, they are eventually promoted as champions of the Landanium Liga and that’s how we come to be playing them today! THE SERIOUS BIT Venue: Hillsborough Stadium, Shefffield.Kick Off: Saturday the 19th of March at 15:00. Matchday Apparel: Home Shirt , Massive Flags. No bagpipes. Matchday Drink: 16 pints and Jagermeister chasers. Probobobobobobobobobobobobarbly. Matchday Pie: Rabbit with Prunes. Matchday Song: Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now by McFadden & Whitehead… MATCHDAY FACTS Sheffield Wednesday will be without Barry Bannan after a failed bid to overturn his straight red card in the win at Nottingham Forest and will be staying at his Nannan’s caravan. Head coach Carlos Carvalhal hopes midfielder Sam Hutchinson, Lewis McGugan and Alex Lopex are available. Charlton skipper Johnnie Jackson is training after a month out and will be assessed to see if he can return. However, Chris Solly (nosebleed), Stephen Henderson (finger bitten orf) and Igor Vetokele (sandal ap the ‘arris) are the Addicks' doubts. Head To Head â–ª The Owls are winless in six games against the Addicks (D3 L3) in all competitions, including a 3-1 defeat at the Valley in November earlier this season. â–ª Charlton have failed to score in just one of their last 14 games against Wednesday in all competitions, a 2-0 defeat in December 2012. â–ª 23 of Sheffield Wednesday's last 24 league goals have been from open play, including each of the last 13. â–ª Charlton are unbeaten in three games (W2 D1), including keeping back-to-back clean sheets for the first time this season. â–ª Charlton have allowed their opponents 613 shots (including blocks) so far this season; 79 more than any other team. â–ª The Owls have won more points after trailing than any other Championship team this season (14). My prediction: Time to give this lot a pasting. 4 - 0 to the Owls. Marco Matias with an 85 yard bicycle kick, whilst eating an ice cream, to be one of the highlights. Oooooooh! KING CARLOS’ WORDS OF WISDOM “We win games with quality, not with nerves,†he said. “We don’t have nerves and think we must achieve this, we must achieve that. We just do what we like to do, play football, try to put quality on the pitch and try to win the games. We win the games by preparing very well, analysing the opponents, the strengths and weaknesses and try to create a good strategy. The players are the most important part of that because they must do it on the pitch. They are doing fantastic. Next game we will be against Charlton and this is the most important and we will be back again with full energy.†MINTYNESS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mrbluesky Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 MINTYNESSSSSSSSS!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holmowl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Brilliant work Pauli. 3-1 In front of 31000 fans. Hooper, Fessi, Hooper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mrbluesky Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Oh yeah 5-1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlyingOwl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Fantastic thread! COME ON WEDNESDAY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lesbarbeux Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 What ever you on on Pauli...I want some. Zany (anyone remember that word?) as ever...great stuff. Biggest crowd of the season so far, we need this win. I'm determined to shout and sing myself hoarse and do my bit even though nerves kicking in a bit for me, this is the "business end" of the season...not knocking it after the last couple of years though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest minsk owl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Brilliant !!! just brilliant " lost a pound in the Northern Lands " We owe these !!, i predict a light to medium stuffing, 3 -1 Wednesday, not bothered who scores Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TANGLED UP IN BLUE Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Come on Wednesday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Utah Owl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 (edited) Great OMDT thread Pauli! I've had a word with me old mucca Maximus Decimus Meridiusa and he has promised that at exactly 3pm tomorrow in supportive the God Carlos he and his legions will unleash hell on the barbarian hordes from Landanium. We owe this lot big time so no holds barred our first fiver of the season. Maximus Mintimus! C'mon Wednesday! Edited March 19, 2016 by Utah Owl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
edmontonowl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Stuff 'em 4-0 (hate Charlton) Hope Jackson has gangrene, the pain-in-the-arse Gordanus Bennetus.................................he could've done with a Possee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronio Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Evening all. Nice one Pauli. Have a good feeling about this one. They will try and have a go at us, taking it to 0-0 half time. Forestieri and Hooper will put them away to secure another 3 points. 2 nil Wednesday. COME ON WEDNESDAY!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simaniac Owl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Best one ever! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pauli Posted March 19, 2016 Author Share Posted March 19, 2016 Serious mistake in the opening post. I referred to "Gasseous, the god of fizzy lager." I am now covered in boils and my house is full of frogs, so let me try again... Gasseous, the God of fizzy lager. There, Now stop posting three headed snakes in my letterbox, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronio Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Serious mistake in the opening post. I referred to "Gasseous, the god of fizzy lager." I am now covered in boils and my house is full of frogs, so let me try again... Gasseous, the God of fizzy lager. There, Now stop posting three headed snakes in my letterbox, please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gazzatheowl Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Fan-bloody-tastic as always. time to give these feckers a pasting. 6-1 Wednesday, don't care who, don't care how. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owls-swfc Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 PLAYUS UPPITASS WEDNESDAYICASS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VictoryBell Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Astonishing, Pauli! Especially so because it is, historically, correct. - and I speak as a professor of Wednesdarchaeology. I have been trying to establish proof of these things for years and I give you fulsome thanks for your endorsement of my opinions. On another note: We will thrape the barstards! (soft spot for them notwithstanding - mainly 'cause of that gobsheete (hopefully not representative of them) that had the front to post on here and who predicted dire things for our beloved compared to them in 2012) TV ticker at 5.40 pm tomorrow.................. Wednesday 3 (Hooper 3) Charlton 0 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VictoryBell Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 Serious mistake in the opening post. I referred to "Gasseous, the god of fizzy lager." I am now covered in boils and my house is full of frogs, so let me try again... Gasseous, the God of fizzy lager. There, Now stop posting three headed snakes in my letterbox, please. Never!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
owls-swfc Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 CONSILIO ET ANIMIS.. JOBBICUS A GUDDINUS! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VictoryBell Posted March 19, 2016 Share Posted March 19, 2016 What kind of nutter stays up this late just to post on the OMDT (apart from me, obviously)? Oh, man! If only I had a life worth living - or a job not to go to VERY early. OK - suicide pills are with me, and I'm away!! Goooooood luck, guys - see you at HT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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