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A Career In Pictures - Jon Beswetherick


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After the lukewarm recepton of the last edition of "A Career In Pictures" i'm delighted to announce the release of the third instalment of this treasured trivia titbit- with todays spotlight falling on a man who was once described by David Pleat as having "A left foot like Jesus- skilful and sandalled, but unfortunately misunderstood during it's lifetime"

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mr Jon Beswetherick.

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Jon Aemilianus Beswetherick, began his career with little known Manchester club Blackburn Rovers. As a trainee he played in the same junior sides as Nicky Marker, Jeff Kenna and Martin Dahlin, but exposure to these wastrels and ne'er do wells did not hold him back. He made his senior debut for the club at the age of 17, creating a goal for striker Graeme Fenton with a peach of a cross, and earning rave reviews from the Bloomfield Road faithful. Bezwetherick would go on to make a total of 77 appearances for the Toffees, scoring 4 goals and sporting 7 different wigs.

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A trip across the Pennines saw Beswederick join Premier League newcomers Middlesbrough. "He was exactly what we needed at the time" chirruped ex-'boro legend Bernie Slaven, "pace to burn and a left foot like a packet of Fruit Toffo's- you never knew what you were gonna get, but hot-damn it was always sweet." A great friendship with Brazilian midget Juninho blossomed during this time, and their mutual love of vintage cisterns and bidets led them both to open a small museum in Carlisle. The venture was an obvious disaster, culminating in a near fatal accident when Juninho got out of his play pen and nearly drowned in a blocked bidet. The two never spoke again.

Beswethelick spent 6 happy years at 'boro, winning the FA cup in 1999 with an extra-time win over Luton City, and playing in the clubs European campaign the following year. After a 3-0 drubbing in which Bethwesterick had played a pivotal role, then-Marseille manager Dunga exclaimed "Sign this boy! Sign him now! He reminds me of a pale Pele"

Middlesbrough turned down a £4m bid from the Belgian club, and Dunga was quoted in "Shoot" magazine as saying " The Middlesbrough, they will pay for this, the weakling rat b*stards. I pray that they are raped by dogs"

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International honours followed shortly after. A debut cap for his native Ireland against international powerhouses Indonesia resulted in a 2-1 defeat (future Sheffield Wednesday team-mate Pablo Bonvin with a brace) but Bellenderick went on to make 40 appearances for his country, scoring 2 goals and wearing 9 wigs. "They were great days" said International colleague Roy Keane "Bez and I would get up at dawn and dress as 16th-century politicians, and make sure we were the first people down at breakfast. Steve Staunton would wee wee himself. Paul McGrath didnt like it" It was during this time that Bedwetterick met his wife, one of the girls from B*Witched, with whom he owns a doll factory creating realistic replicas of the Third Reich High Command and X-Factor finalists in Neath until this day.

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A summer move to Sheffield Wednesday followed after a much publicised fall out with 'boro boss Bryan Robson. " He was an obvious talent" Robson mused "But he got too big for his boots. I remember one teamtalk, we were 2-0 down at home to Bolton (Paul Furlong and Danny Maddix with the goals) and I was reading them the riot act. I looked over to Jon and he was pulling out a 18th century British Redcoat and matching Brown Bess musket, a cheeky smile plastered all over his face. I knew then he had to go"

Beswenterick cost the Owls a staggering £750,000 in a deal that saw Adam Proudlock and Adem Poric move in the other direction. The Hillsborough faithful went mental at the signing, drooling openly on the terraces and employing a piper to perform old Napoleonic era marching tunes on the terraces to welcome their new hero. But all was not well.

Bestenterick started well enough for the Owls, 3 different wigs in his first 3 games had the fans in raptures, but behind the scenes, things were taking a turn for the weird. "I can't put my finger on it precisely" then Wednesday boss Danny Wilson said "but presents kept being left at the training ground for him. A pack of flints, a bayonet, funny stuff really, but Jon loved it. One day someone left him a 9lb cannon and all the trimmings- enough was enough" It later transpired that the gifts had been left by hateful Brazilian midgets. Juninho and Dunga, if you are reading this now- shame on you sirs.

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A troubled Bezwenterig left Hillsborough with unfulfilled potential and enough historical re-enactment equipment to fill a small skip several times. He joined Bristol City, at the time a graveyard for many pro's afflicted with similar afflictions. "We 'ad a few of 'em" grunted manager Joe Kinnear " Jon fit in nicely. We 'ad Nigel Spink, he did Viking stuff, Julian Joachim used to dress up as a Roman Senator, and of course big Ian Marshall, he would often flounce into training as a Greek Eunuch. I just let em get on with it, like a support group."

Jon's time at Bristol was a successful one. He rediscovered his love of wigs, and went on to make over 100 appearances for the club. He also struck up a flourishing friendship with team-mate Gary Mabbutt, the two sharing a flat together for a time over a popular bookmakers, where they would dress as 10th century Crusaders, play Hero Quest and eat packet after packet of Pop Tarts.

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Bendovericks greatest achievement came during his time at Bristol- here he is holding the World Cup after Irelands triumphant victory in 2002. A match winning penalty from ex- Wednesday team-mate Stuart Ripley saw the Ireland-based side defeat Brazil 1-0 in the final. Juninho and Dunga were unavailable for comment, but it's safe to saw they both had egg on their faces. Their midget faces. Beswetherig celebrated with an early morning breakfast costume-jaunt with Roy Keane- Steve Staunton pissed himself again.

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But, all good things must come to an end, and after the happy times at Bristol City Jon decided to call time on a glittering career. He currently works at the British Museum as a living exhibition, depicting a Napoleonic Officer as he has always wanted to in his heart. In his spare time he signs writes Haiku poetry, tours his country estate on his horse "Owusu" shouting at imaginary beggars and emails Sean Bean every day requesting that he makes a feature length film of "Sharpe". Sean Bean declined to comment.

Brave ex-Sheffield Wednesday warrior, we salute you!

Edited by US_Owl
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im disgusted wi this dollop of tripe, no not beswetherick. yeah he was poo poo but this is flippingdisrespectful

Hi Jon hows things now your living the dream?

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lol what a left foot he had, yeahh wasn't it Grimsby at home he got ripped by former pig Marcel Cas and subbed after 15 ? God knows how I remember that lol! He's also looks a dead ringer for my mates mum, stunner as you can imagine!!
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Didn't Terry Yorath once say he had the finest left foot in football but he couldn't play in front of a crowd or did I dream that???

If so then just another example of how our massiveness can affect some of the games great talents.

Edited by TrickyTrev
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Didn't Terry Yorath once say he had the finest left foot in football but he couldn't play in front of a crowd or did I dream that???

If so then just another example of how our massiveness can affect some of the games great talents.

I think u could be right pal seem to remember him saying something like that.

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