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The BBC banned me for this article, see what you think of the Ugliest British XI of all time!!

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First Team:

Goalkeeper - Steve Ogrizovic: Only ever going to be one choice for this really wasn't there. Put quite simply, this man had a face made for radio.

Defender - Gary Neville: Perhaps his most annoying 'quality' if you will call it that, aside from his ability to upset just about everyone as soon as he opens his mouth, is that face of his. How he hasn't been prosecuted under the Trades Description Act for impersonating a kicked in bin lid is beyond me.

Defender - Tony Adams: Very, very ugly. The sort of creature that would make a blind man heave.

Defender - Chris Morgan: Some would say he has a typical centre half's face. Others would argue that it could be used as a much more affordable alternative to the electric chair.

Defender - Phill Neville: Marginally the more attractive of the most disturbing siblings since the Chuckle brothers. But then again, that's like saying Idi Amin wasn't as bad as Pol Pot.

Midfielder - Carlton Palmer: Wow, he was a shocker wasn't he. I don't know what was more amazing, the fact that he played 17, yes 17, times for England(mind you, Taylor was the manager), or that he wasn't made to play in disguise, always.

Midfielder - Peter Reid: Combative midfielder typical of the English fighting spirit yes. But also renowned for conjouring images of weird looking things on wildlife programmes that no one quite knew what they were.

Midfielder - Paul Merson: The demon drink didn't ruin this man, having a face that could scare a police horse off did, simple.

Midfielder - Luke Chadwick: Another of the 'poster boys'. When I say poster, I mean poster for scandalously getting away with being put down.

Forward - Iain Dowie: No introduction necessary, other than to say, if ever the phrase 'this man will scare defenders to death', was made with one person in mind, well, there you go.

Forward - Robert Earnshaw: A pint sized dazzler, or someone with a face like a bag of smashed crabs, you decide.

Subs bench:

Goalkeeper - Martin Hodge: He was pretty damn good between the sticks, I'll give him that. But then again, he was also pretty damn good at churning milk, without the aid of machinery.

Defender - Martin Keown: When people remark about him having a 'battle worn face', are they being purposefully ironic, or am I missing a trick.

Defender - Tony Mowbray: How this face hasn't been put to good use to scare the lazy bone idle youths of today back into employment, rather than wasting countless sums of money on pointless training schemes, I'll never know.

Midfielder - Jimmy Bullard: Perhaps the real reason he keeps disappearing into the treament room for months on end is to see if they can do something for that terrible growth above his shoulders.

Midfielder - David Hopkin: Not so much a footballer, more like a latter day version of the older Steptoe.

Forward - Matt Le Tissier: Surely they can't be revamping the elephant man for the 21st Century, can they.

Forward - Iwan Roberts: This man should be locked up immediately, no, not for being a distinctly average at best centre forward. No, instead, for oweing untold millions in royalties, image rights etc, to the poor sod who they roped into playing Sloth in the Goonies.

Manager - Gareth Southgate: He couldn't really manage a football team, and to be fair, most of the people around him couldn't really manage to keep their food down when glancing at him either.

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yeah, I can see why they banned you biggrin.gif

Who would they play? - the handsome 11

Can I start with Eric Ginola

..wait a minute, I feel uncomfortable

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First Team:

Goalkeeper - Steve Ogrizovic: Only ever going to be one choice for this really wasn't there. Put quite simply, this man had a face made for radio.

Defender - Gary Neville: Perhaps his most annoying 'quality' if you will call it that, aside from his ability to upset just about everyone as soon as he opens his mouth, is that face of his. How he hasn't been prosecuted under the Trades Description Act for impersonating a kicked in bin lid is beyond me.

Defender - Tony Adams: Very, very ugly. The sort of creature that would make a blind man heave.

Defender - Chris Morgan: Some would say he has a typical centre half's face. Others would argue that it could be used as a much more affordable alternative to the electric chair.

Defender - Phill Neville: Marginally the more attractive of the most disturbing siblings since the Chuckle brothers. But then again, that's like saying Idi Amin wasn't as bad as Pol Pot.

Midfielder - Carlton Palmer: Wow, he was a shocker wasn't he. I don't know what was more amazing, the fact that he played 17, yes 17, times for England(mind you, Taylor was the manager), or that he wasn't made to play in disguise, always.

Midfielder - Peter Reid: Combative midfielder typical of the English fighting spirit yes. But also renowned for conjouring images of weird looking things on wildlife programmes that no one quite knew what they were.

Midfielder - Paul Merson: The demon drink didn't ruin this man, having a face that could scare a police horse off did, simple.

Midfielder - Luke Chadwick: Another of the 'poster boys'. When I say poster, I mean poster for scandalously getting away with being put down.

Forward - Iain Dowie: No introduction necessary, other than to say, if ever the phrase 'this man will scare defenders to death', was made with one person in mind, well, there you go.

Forward - Robert Earnshaw: A pint sized dazzler, or someone with a face like a bag of smashed crabs, you decide.

Subs bench:

Goalkeeper - Martin Hodge: He was pretty damn good between the sticks, I'll give him that. But then again, he was also pretty damn good at churning milk, without the aid of machinery.

Defender - Martin Keown: When people remark about him having a 'battle worn face', are they being purposefully ironic, or am I missing a trick.

Defender - Tony Mowbray: How this face hasn't been put to good use to scare the lazy bone idle youths of today back into employment, rather than wasting countless sums of money on pointless training schemes, I'll never know.

Midfielder - Jimmy Bullard: Perhaps the real reason he keeps disappearing into the treament room for months on end is to see if they can do something for that terrible growth above his shoulders.

Midfielder - David Hopkin: Not so much a footballer, more like a latter day version of the older Steptoe.

Forward - Matt Le Tissier: Surely they can't be revamping the elephant man for the 21st Century, can they.

Forward - Iwan Roberts: This man should be locked up immediately, no, not for being a distinctly average at best centre forward. No, instead, for oweing untold millions in royalties, image rights etc, to the poor sod who they roped into playing Sloth in the Goonies.

Manager - Gareth Southgate: He couldn't really manage a football team, and to be fair, most of the people around him couldn't really manage to keep their food down when glancing at him either.

You missed Peter Beardsley

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You missed Franny Jeffers!

smaller version of Plug from "The Bash Street Kids"

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You missed Gary 'mongy' Mabbutt - he was hideously ugly before and after he got whacked!

606 is absolutely pathetic - I have not even bothered with it for months. I emailed the BBC ref the bias on radio pig and all they could say is that they understand our greievences but are not planning to do anything about it. They can poo poo-off if they think I am paying for a second TV licence for my work abode!

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You missed Gary 'mongy' Mabbutt - he was hideously ugly before and after he got whacked!

606 is absolutely pathetic - I have not even bothered with it for months. I emailed the BBC ref the bias on radio pig and all they could say is that they understand our greievences but are not planning to do anything about it. They can poo poo-off if they think I am paying for a second TV licence for my work abode!

Yup - same here.

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Yup - same here.

Might try posting who is the most camp XI and see how many nano-seconds it takes the 606 Gestapo to take it down. Waste of time.

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Perhaps you should rename it the "Ugly Descriptive Clichés XI".

I agree, not really very original (or that funny tbh)

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It was a tough decision to leave out Mr Beardsley, a man who's motto is surely 'the bells, the bells'! I did it purely on a British born basis, if I'd have gone down the continental route then I could have had a birthday.. I know what you mean Airborne, the BBC seem to be like a politician, very selective memory and ways of interpreting 'rules' when it suits them!

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I do apologise bluemonday, perhaps you could tutor me in the ways of how one should construct an article of journalstic merit, seeing as you are indeed the Oracle!

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This lad has one hell of a forehead!

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Good stuff, some absolute heroes there. No peter crouch though?

I bet they all have stunning wives/girlfriends though. The rich fookers lol. :st2:

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Don't know why it posted twice,

double the flipping heed now!!

Edited by GHS

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Nice to see some people still have a sense of humour GHS! I never pretended for one minute that this was booker prize winning stuff, chuff me, some people take life too seriously! Up the owls!!!!

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Nice to see some people still have a sense of humour GHS! I never pretended for one minute that this was booker prize winning stuff, chuff me, some people take life too seriously! Up the owls!!!!

Hey man,

I have loads more to offer if you want!!!

Stuck on a ship and have time on my hands.

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Hey man,

I have loads more to offer if you want!!!

Stuck on a ship and have time on my hands.

I've got even more as I'm at home for a week before I head back to work, happy days!

UP THE OWLS!!!!

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Its the dirty tache that does it.

has a look of the sleezy barman from The Benidorm series!!

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All good lets keep em coming!!

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