Owl Stork

Hooper is always hungry. His injuries came when sausages were off the menu. That occasional timber on him is a testament to his hunger. Why did Jos not realise this? FFS

He's such a tease is our Bazza.

They may say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

Much as I hate to see the other half go up, it will be refreshing next season to see them struggle every week while we pick up points and then as we watch them get sucked back into the Championship with their long porcine faces, we hold our noses and gleefully skip past them into our rightful place in the promised land. Oh please football Gods, let it be.

I just want to get all the cash offered to me by that nice Nigerian bloke before they change the payment system. I've sent him my bank details, so any day now.

The consumer? No mate, the government. No black money or illegal salaries and no cash drug deals.

In which head are you feeling the migraine?

Or preparation for the jizz. fest.

I wouldn't be running down to the copyright office just yet if I were you.

4 shots on target. 4 goals. We are officially more clinical than Hannibal Lecter.

It will depend predominantly on the behaviour of Hutchinson's evil twin. Hopefully we'll be 3-0 up before he appears and inflicts gratuitous violence on Sharp.

He'd sign Pelupessy. Tough as it might be to part with them both. Be churlish to stand in their way.

Tis the season for sprouts. Bound to be a toxic atmosphere.

For the inclusion of the illiterate.

I commited the worst faux pas. Un baiser is a kiss. Confusingly, Baiser, the verb, means to fornicate. The first time I asked a French girl to kiss me, I used the verb. It wasn't too well received. For those who want to avoid this cultural fornicate up, Embrace moi is the correct phrase.