There is this:
CAN YOU DIGIT?
"What hope is there for football?" asks the Sun today. It's not often the Fiver agrees with that particular arm of the fourth estate, but this time they've got a point. Struggling clubs facing closure, endemic corruption at Fifa, greedy, corpulent clubs at the top swimming in filthy lucre but still wringing every last drop of cash out of the game at the expense of the rest – it's a right old pickle and no mista … what? Oh, they're on about something else are they?
"Sheffield shamed by finger yobs" is the full headline, over a picture, captioned "CITY SICKERS", of a Sheffield United fan offering single-digit epithet and a Wednesday counterpart going for the double, presumably immediately following each side's goals in Sunday's Steel City derby. In short, doing what every single set of fans do to every single other set of fans after every single goal in every single match played every single weekend in every single city, town and village in England. And Scotland. And pretty much all of Europe. And the world. And, until we discover intelligent life in some distant galaxy who taunt opposing fans at sporting occasions by wiggling their antennae in another fashion, the entire span of existence.
"Football was again dragged into the gutter …" begins the article, an object lesson in pointless, won't-someone-think-of-the-chlldren hyperbole. Of all the scourges that afflict football, finger yobbery (presumably a subset of the equally invidious hand-and-wrist yobbery) comes fairly low down on the list, somewhere between the lack of hot water in the away-end toilets and any half-time "entertainment" involving a man in a giant foam suit.
"The gruesome twosome's vile gestures came 24 hours after the Sun reported that Alex Ferguson had issued a plea to Manchester United and Liverpool fans to show more respect towards each other," continued the paper, apparently attempting to link "finger yobbery" with chants about disasters in which a total of 119 people died.