therac

I went to Brentford. I would like compensation as well as a refund.

Only touch he has had all night

I went to watch Scarborough get thrashed by Chelsea in 2004 expecting cricket figures. We lost 1-0 to a team containing Terry, lampard, hasselbank and others, and were denied a penalty for the clearest handball I have ever seen in the last ten minutes. You know the secret - a sheet pitch. All we need are a few of Snoot's peasants (cough, 'artisans') and some gardening kit, and we could blame it on an infestation of moles. Who says hoofball never pays? And look at what an effect that had on the rest of Scarborough's future path to glory. Oh wait......

I don't think this needs changing...

Definite assist!

Bit harsh on Nuhiu. Generous for wickham, bannan, iorfa and boerner

Really looking forward to Man City. What's our worst defeat ever?

And wouldn't you just guess it.. https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/51358322 Shared with Billy Sharp and one or two others...

Coonte followed by Robbingson. Got to be Deadman next... EFL making a point?

Officials loads better than the bankers on Saturday

https://www.swfc.co.uk/matches/fixtures/ Says its Tuesday?

Bumped into Nando who's out too..

I haven't studied Russian for over 50 years, but I am pretty sure you should say феодальный сеньор (Lord of the Manor) rather than светлость, which tends to mean serene highness in the case of his Lordship... No-one can remain serene with this unpredictable lot.

Surely the worrying question is which of our players earning more than 17k a month reads the Sun?

I reckon anyone who has managed to smuggle in a jar of chutney should wave it above their head in the 42nd minute and shout "I am vulva"... That will confuse the Swans just in time for our opening goal.