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Cristiano Ronaldo to visit hillsborough?


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7 minutes ago, David1867 said:

How on earth has something like this made the press? 

Banter between players ends up in local and national media. 

to be fair the only national one it ended up in was the Daily Mail, which explains everything

Edited by marcx666
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1 hour ago, Owling said:

Must be another one of the missing players, that's last seasons shirt.

 

Had to get hold of one. Only way he'd sign on. 

 

It was one of the points he was keen to emphasise when I met him to discuss the move.

 

It all started when I popped into the Crosspool Tavern between Christmas and New Year for a drink with an old chum. Well....you know how these things go. Before I knew it I had drunk far too much and was a bit wobbly on my feet.  

I went to the toilet, but being slightly disorientated I took the wrong door and ended up in the cellar.  I was about to come back out when I heard a muffled noise. I went further into the dark to investigate and there was a chap in the corner. Sat their shaking. 

He saw me and looked at me . He was rocking back and forth. 

"I say," I said "what on Earth are you doing down here old chap?"

He looked back at me with sad eyes and replied in a whisper "I'm in exile. I keep myself down here to keep myself sane. To keep me away from OT"

"Oh, Owlstalk" I said. "It's still as crazy as ever. It's the transfer window. You know what that's like. Mad rumours abound"

Suddenly his eyes lit up.

"I know about one. He said. You'll be able to tell them you're ITK."

"I'm  not really bothered" I said.

"Ronaldo. He wants to come. Semedo is his friend"

"I know that old lad, but he's never coming here."

"He will. He will" he said a mad look in his eye "and you can make it happen," He reached in his pocket  "I have a friend , you must contact him.," he said pulling out a scrap of paper and thrusting it into my hand"

"Ok." I said putting the slip into my waistcoat quickly,  now quite keen to escape as he was an unusual fellow and no mistake!

As I turned to go he started rocking again. "Please do it. Please do it. If you don't.....it'll be Ben10 all over again."

I returned upstairs ,mentioning nothing of the experience to my friend, who I was sure would think me quite mad.

Image result for crosspool tavern sheffield

It was only the next day as i lifted my jacket that the note fell out. There was a phone number in it. 

I was intrigued , and though I knew it was probably a dead number I rang it anyway. 

There was, as i expected, no answer. 

 

After  hearty breakfast of egg, bacon, black pudding and coffee I decided to have a walk through the grounds for some fresh air, but I was barely on the lawn when my man servant Stubbs called from the window "Sir, there's a Gentleman on the phone. Says he's returning your call."

I walked briskly back towards the house. As Stubbs handed over the receiver he put his hand over the mouthpiece and whispered to me "He calls himself, The Penguin, Sir".

And then we walked away. Has an funny way of looking at me in those situations, old Stubbs. Make me feel a fool, and it's hard to fathom why. Anyway. That's when I spoke to the Penguin.

I never met the penguin, and the voice on the phone had clearly been through some of of device to disguise it.  However. He did say that he would arrange for me to meet Ronaldo.

 

Which is how I ended up at the Hotel Corinthia in Lisbon, sat by a pool with one of the Worlds most decorated players.  

 

It all went surprisingly smoothly. I didn't have to sell the club at all. If anything it was he who was trying to sell himself to me!

 

He said to me "Lord Snooty, please don't be offended , and please don't think me rude. But I am one of the greatest players in the world, and though I dearly want to come and play for The Wednesday there are a few things I would like, in exchange for taking a 200% cut in wages."

Keen to find out what the lad could possibly want that could replace the lost money I asked him what these things were.

      "I can only come to your most special club," he said "With it's rich and magnificent history, if three things happen."

      "Do go on" I said

      "I want a proper Wednesday shirt. All over the World people know the Identity of the greatest club.  People may talk about the marketing, but to me it is about the soul of the club. The instant recognition in you eye, your head and your heart.  Real Madrid, you think white kit. You know it. Liverpool Red. Of course.  Juventus. Black and white stripes.  Sheffield Wednesday, blue and white stripes. Derek Dooley, David Hirst. These players are so ingrained in the imagery of the club. I know it might seem I am pushy, but I want when I come to feel like I am representing the real Sheffield Wednesday. When i look back over my long and glorious career and look in my scrap book, I want to see me in that proper kit The kit of Dooley, and Hirst . If you can do this for me, I will come. "

   "Well , I think we could do that old boy," I said knowing it a lie, but hoping it was something we might be able to sort at a later date.

   "And it must be the black shorts too!" he said suddenly looking concerned.

   "Black shorts?"

   "I have won the European Cup, The European Championship, I have won the Titles in England and Spain. I have surpassed all goal scoring records. But I don't want to come to Sheffield Wednesday just to play out my days"

    "You don't?" I said 

    "No!" he said looking mortally offended. "I still want the greatest prize. The English Championship Trophy."

    "You've already won it." I said confused.

    "No, not the Premier League Trophy. Its cheap tat. No style. No history. I want the proper trophy. And the only way I can win it. To hold it in my hands is to play in the second tier of English football."

Image result for english championship trophy

    "What does that have to do with shorts?" I said, feeling a bit of a buffoon.

    "Because Sheffield Wednesday only win the three major English Trophies when we wear the black shorts!" he said, looking at me as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

     "Of course" I said Pretending I had any idea of what he was on about.

No automatic alt text available.

 

   

     "What are the other two things?"

     "Pardon," he said leaning his bronzed body forward on his sun lounger and taking a sip of water.

     "You said there were three things?"

      "Oh yes, sorry," he said "I was day dreaming about David Hirsts goal against Aston Villa on Big Rons return. The swerve. And with a proper ball too!"

I could see he was daydreaming again.

     "Ronny , my boy?" He looked at me blankly "The other two things?"I pressed on. 

     "Yes, he said. Number two is the chocolate orange. I know how much it means. It is the clubs Relic. Like St Georges Lance, or the The Grail of Christ.  But I have a sweet tooth, though you wouldn't know it with my torso looking like it is chiseled from finest Italian marble. But yes. A sweet tooth. Chocolate orange especially, and I know that there is the worlds biggest, most beautiful one hand sculptured by Faberge, and is wrapped in Gold Leaf and sat on the top of that fantastic ornate Archibald Leach metal work on the South Stand roof. It is a relic. A symbol. But I want it"

Sheffield Wednesday vs Charlton Athletic 639.jpg

  By God! I thought. The chap is showing all the ruthlessness he shows defenders here. But I nodded anyway "I think that could be arranged." I said wiping the sweat from my brow.  "And the third thing?"

 

He smiled  "If your could arrange the blue socks with the white tops, that would make my dream come true, because when I was a boy in Funchal and my father told me stories of the famous Sheffield Wednesday, I would lie in my bed at night. Dreaming that one day, when I had got the opportunity when I had wasted my mistakes at lesser clubs like Real and Manchester united, and when I had spent a lifetime training and learning to be the best player in the World.....I swore that one day, that day,  I could wear those socks like my hero Redfern Froggatt

s-l1600.jpg

 

I agreed in principle to all his requests and let the club know. Though so far they haven't returned my calls. 

But that is how Ronaldo, has agreed in principle to sign for Sheffield Wednesday. 

 

Whether it happens now, is very much up to the chairman. 

 

....................................

Edited by Lord Snooty
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' Said Semedo: '"Varry and Steven Fletcher were asking me to ring Cristiano. They thought I'd say no, no, let's not do that.'

Read more at: http://www.thestar.co.uk/news/owls-fan-cristiano-ronaldo-plans-hillsborough-visit-to-see-sheffield-wednesday-win-promotion-1-8323858

 

Absolutly 1st class from the Star, who the hell is Varry? lol 

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Snoot's old chap, I'm afraid I have to tell you that the fellow in the cellar of The Crosspool Tavern was non other than Jon66, a well nown reprabate that often frequented this site to cause trouble and mayhem after claiming his ITK abilities stemmed from the said Tavern...

 

I understand that the landlord (in order to maintain the said Taverns good reputation) locked him in the cellar where he continues to this day to smoke his own dried excrement, unfortunately it would seem that the fumes have also affected your goodself.

 

I suggest you get Stubbs to make you a good strong cup of tea, refrain from the grape and / or barley for a few days and you should find yourself returning to normal....

 

That said, you may decide normal is not the place you want to be as your recent "adventures" seem much more fun...

 

 

Good to see you back frequenting this site again old boy, your humour has been much missed...

lol

 

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